She had been avoiding us all week– ignoring our messages and not returning our calls– when we saw Jo outside the bar.
As soon as I knew where she was, I could not shake the desire to hug her and talk to her.
We tried going into the bar and, upon seeing us, she disappeared into the back. We tried walking by over and over but she wouldn’t come out to see us. We tried sending in friends to talk to her and she quickly left the bar to avoid them. As she made her way down the street, my teammate and I walked over into her path. The second she saw us, she froze, turned abruptly, and then broke out into a run.
All logic fled and I took off running through the red light district after her.
“Jo! Jo, wait! Stop!” I caught up with her and touched her on the shoulder. She stopped but turned away, avoiding eye contact.
“Jo, what is going on? Why are you running from us? We just want to hug you and give you a gift before we leave for Africa!”
Slowly, her eyes met mine and the truth tumbled out. Her boyfriend broke up with her and kicked her out. She ran back to the bar. She was working again. Another old flame had been hitting her. She was scared to see us, too ashamed to admit what had happened. She didn’t believe she could do the program. It was so long and her boyfriend told her she wasn’t good enough for something like that.
I grabbed her hands and slipped our team’s gift onto her wrist– a bracelet that said “Pursued & Loved.”
As I fastened the bracelet, I told her, “Jo, you don’t have to be afraid of us! You don’t have to run or hide. You don’t have to be ashamed. We don’t care where you are or what you’ve done. We just want you to know that we love you. We want to be your friends. God loves you. He wants you to know He is pursuing you and loving you. We just want to help you.”
She told us to come back tomorrow to see her and we gave her a quick hug goodbye before turning around to walk back to the hostel.
As we walked, God gave me a beautiful revelation. I have been like Jo so many times.
When I fall back into recurring sin, I run from God. I avoid sitting down to spend time with Him. I dread church and try hard to close my ears off to His voice. I don’t want the speech. I don’t want the shame. I don’t want Him to point out the obvious– that I’ve messed up again, that I’m back to where we started.
When I see Him coming, I do just like Jo did when she saw us. I freeze. I turn. I bolt.
And God is thinking the same things I was thinking that night.
Stop running! You’re being silly. I know what you’ve done, and I don’t care. Don’t you see I just want to love on you? I’m the only One who can help you recover from your hurt, and I will help you as much as you are open to My help.
The way out is provided; the sin is paid for. I just want to offer you freedom. I’m not angry. Don’t be ashamed. I just want to be your Friend. I just want to spend time with you. Please don’t feel like you have to run or hide. I’m chasing you because I love you!
As that revelation washed over me, I looked back at all those times I’ve run with a new understanding of God’s tenderness and grace and love.
And I knew I had to share that moment with my blog readers. Because maybe that’s you right now. Maybe you’re running. Maybe you are too afraid and ashamed to stop and sit with Jesus. Maybe you’re scared of what He is thinking, of what He’ll have to say. Maybe you’re making a list in your mind of all the mistakes you’ve made, of the promises you’ve broken. And in your fear and shame, you freeze, you turn, you run.
But God is chasing after you. Not so that He can lecture you. Not so that He can punish you. But simply because He loves you. He will never stop pursuing you. And when you stop and let Him catch you, you will find that it is not shame or condemnation that awaits you. Instead, He will reach for your hand, slip you a reminder that you are loved, listen to your pain, and hug you close.
It’s time to stop running from love. It’s time to be set free from your shame.
Slow down. Turn around. Step into His embrace.
Prodigal – Pas Deos
My child, come home.
I never once left you alone.
When did you first believe I’d withhold from you
anything?
I’ve given you my love, my name,
Shedding tears and blood to heal your shame.
Where are you? Why are you hiding?
Who told you you’re not fit to stand beside me?
Oh, the songs I’ll sing when you’re undone,
And joy’s made full in the salvation.
As time slips by,
I stand alone.
While you gain the world,
But lose your soul.
I long to say the words to make to turn from lesser
things.
I long to light your path to keep your feet from
stumbling.
My eyes on the horizon- Oh, if you could know…
How I wait to see your distant shape; my prodigal, come
home.
My child, return! You’ve not gone too far to forgive.
Why did you first yield your heart
To things that tear the soul apart?
I long to speak the words, “This one was dead,
And is now alive again.”
Where are you? Why are you hiding?
Who told you you’re unfit for abiding with me?
Songs are sung from broken bones,
And truth has cleansed you white like snow.
As time slips by,
I stand alone.
While you gain the world,
But lose your soul.
I long to say the words to make to turn from lesser
things.
I long to light your path to keep your feet from
stumbling.
My eyes on the horizon- Oh, if you could know…
How I wait to see your distant shape; my prodigal, come
home.
You should know I’m waiting here, and I’ve always been,
And I’ve loved you when you’ve least expected.
You should know I’m waiting here, and I’ve always been,
Even when my love has been rejected.
The rain falls on the righteous and the wicked.
