I am sitting down to write a blog, not because I have some great ministry story, but because I feel the need to write. So I’ll share my heart and how I am personally feeling. I’m not perfect. I’m not always pretty. And this is the real me. Here goes my word vomit:
Albania has been a great experience so far. I feel like I am learning more here than I am doing ministry. I know this is not true, because God is definitely using us, but I see the Lord doing more in my heart and my team than anything.
Having a new team has been an adjustment. We have one bathroom for 7 girls, of which only one person can use at a time. We are in tight sleeping quarters and it often feels like there is no place to be alone. And we are adjusting to a new dynamic and getting to know one another. It has been harder for me to love lately: I see things in my teammates that I don’t like and dwell on them. I get annoyed easily. I just want to be alone. I have been tired of living in community.
I want to say this: It is not always easy to love. Actually, it can sometimes seem almost impossible. Have you ever wanted to love, but it just seemed so out of reach? I feel this way sometimes. Sometimes, I find it hard to love others, myself, and even God. I don’t always love the way God wants me to. But I know the cure…
God is love right? He is the author and perfecter of love. He is the artist who paints love in my heart. He is the creator who wove love into my inner being. He is the ONLY one who can help me love. I can try all day long to love others on my own strength, but I will fail every time. I must seek the Father’s heart and ask Him to help me love the creation He has made me to be, others around me, and even Himself… And He does!
So when I love, I don’t do it because I am great at it. I do it because the Holy Spirit is moving and active in my life. When you see me loving, know that it is because I am filled with Him. On my own strength and ability, I am a failure. With Him, I am a success.
Praise the one who is patient with me and knows I am human. Praise Him because He doesn’t expect me to do anything on my own, but gives me help.
I hope you find it easier to love someone in your life today: Whether that be others, yourself, or the Lord. Seek Him, spend time with Him, and let Him love through you.
I love you all…. Because He helps me 😉
Kaitlyn
