Abba Father,
I cannot do this. I do not know how. I need You.
Love, Kaitlyn
Abba,
I do not want to do this. I am not ready. I need You, I need Your strength.
Love, Kaitlyn
Father,
I am scared. I do not know how to do this. I do not feel comfortable. My flesh says, “No!” but my Spirit is saying, “Yes.” I cannot do this on my own. Father, I am asking You for wisdom, for guidance. I am Your vessel. Here am I, Father. I am ready to follow You.
Love, Kaitlyn
This was my day when Chip asked what I thought about being the Team Leader while he was gone. He was staying back in Nairobi as our team traveled to Tanzania because his dad was coming to visit during the Parents’ Week! I was enjoying a nice brownie sundae with real brownies and scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough and brownie ice cream from Java House when he asked me. All of a sudden I was not hungry for my delicious treat. I wanted to get up and go back to the hostel. Alone. My flesh was screaming, “Run! Run away!”
My Spirit was ready.
My Spirit was willing.
I told him that there were people that were better on the team. They would do a great job. They are already natural leaders. They know how to take control of a team and lead the team towards greatness.
I am a great follower.
As the days went on and I listened more to my flesh than I did to my Father. I became worried. I prayed more. It was a constant battle in my head throughout the days. My flesh and my Spirit were fighting. I would be comforted when I would lay on my mat at night and pray to the Lord, being comforted by my Comforter. When the days would go on, I would become overwhelmed with the thoughts of what I thought a leader should look like and how I do not meet the qualities of what I thought they were.
Chip noticed. He asked me what was wrong. I told him that there was nothing wrong.
How could I tell him that I am not “leader material”?
He asked again.
I told him that I was not ready. I did not want to be the leader while he is gone.
I am comfortable being a team member, a follower.
He gave me words of wisdom. This is the perfect time for me to be a leader. This is the Lord’s timing. This is His sovereign timing. Sure, there may be more natural leaders on the team, but this is my time to step out.
It’s my time to follow the Lord and to go where He leads me. It is my time to become uncomfortable. It is my time to grow.
At that time, I did not like what I was hearing. Another squad mate, who is also a team leader, gave me some more advice. I do not need to be responsible for the other teammates. I am responsible for myself. All I need to do as a leader is to follow the Lord.
Oh, that is easy.
I know that I am only stepping up for ten days, but I do not want to take what the Lord has given me for granted or to treat it lightly. I want to take what the Lord has entrusted me with and lead with confidence and with all that I am.
My time as a leader has been nothing but encouraging to my very being. I have stepped up in ways that I normally would let pass by. I spoke at church the first opportunity given. I do not know if that was due to my leader responsibility or because my Spirit was saying, “Speak!” I have built a deeper connection with the Pastor than I have before in previous months. I have prayed more and interceded more for the team than I have ever before. I have searched for ways to encourage others more than I ever have before. I have prayed for the team as a whole more than I ever have before. It has only been a few days of leading, but it has been nothing but growing.
The best part about this is that my time with the Lord seems to be more precious and I seek it out that much more. I am thankful for this time. I may not be the leader that I thought I was, I do not even see myself leading the team, but I do know that my time with the Lord is becoming more and more real. It is becoming more and more precious.
Prayers: To let my flesh become more willing and trusting in the Lord. I want these last three months of the Race to help solidify the foundation for the rest of my life. I want to continue taking advantage of the lessons that the Lord is teaching me and apply them to my life. I do not want to listen to or hear my flesh anymore.
