I was laying on my stomach, face down to the floor.
They were playing a late night worship session and I had come because I was a mess.
I had cried 4 times that day. Yes 4.
I was carrying all of these burdens and weights that I was never meant to carry.
And so the Lord told me he wanted me to release those. To fully 100% surrender and give him control in my life.
In order to do so, He told me I need to physically give him control. Laying down on the floor with your face in the floor I believe is about the humblest and most surrendered position you can get your body in. In that position, you have no ability to know what is happening around you. You have no ability to try and protect yourself from anything that could happen.
So He told me to lay there and listen to His voice.
So I did.
I laid on the floor, face down, and waited.
He described this scene to me.
There was a field off long dry dead brown grass. There was only one beautiful flower rising up in that field. The only nutrients the flower received was from the Son.
Before the field laid a battle ground. The battle had happened recently and It was messy and hard.
After the field laid a field which hundreds of flowers. All different types of flowers were blooming.
And in that moment the Lord spoke his calling on my Life. He said “I have called you my dear child to bring dead things back to Life. You are to bring life to dead things. To bring hope to where only hopelessness lives. You have fought the battles to prepare you for this. I will be your source of light, the only one you need.”
The next day, all of these words that people had spoken over me, the words the Lord had given me became to make sense. I received direction in my next steps.
The crazy thing was, in 2 weeks of being home, I had lost my purpose. If I am being honest I was just lost period. But the Lord gave me direction. He told me that I was not meant to settle, and therefore I could not settle in this season either.
I came into this week at Project Searchlight with shame from the promises I had broken to the Lord since being home. I came in lost, a worse version of myself. I came in with all my guards up, forgetting who I had been, forgetting who the Lord was to me. I came in unsatisfied. And I came in not even knowing how far I had fallen.
But we serve a faithful and gracious God. And so now I am leaving this safe haven. A place of restored redemption. I am leaving being in the Father’s arms. I am leaving with peace and forgiveness sitting on my heart. I am leaving with a calling on my life. A resolve not to settle. I am leaving a better version of myself.
