These kids have amazed me more and more each day. They are constantly asking questions, seeking us out, and inviting us to everything that is going on whether it’s the Goal-ball game, eating ugali with them in the Cafeteria, or studying in one of the classrooms. Their questions often stump me and remind me how little I actually remember from my freshman year of high school but I love getting to hang out with them. I spend most of them time listening and attempting to conjure up what little information I have for them in my meager attempt to answer their questions and sometimes I surprise myself and am able to give a relatively decent answer.
~playing Goalball~
But I have learned far more from them than they could possibly ever learn from me. Their actions speak LOUDER than my words could ever be spoken. They love each other well but they also loved me, a complete stranger, better than I ever could have imagined. They never hold back and are so incredibly willing to share, teach, and give. The students left for a term break after only having spent 10 days with them and my dear friend Lucy gave me her bracelet because she wanted her new friend to have something. It wasn’t so much the bracelet as it was the hug and words “I love you.” that she said to me along with a “Goodbye, I hope to see you again!” and wave as she walked out the gate that left me so filled with joy, love, and a little heartbreak as I knew that we would probably never see each other again (well at least here on Earth). It was there that I was left with my own question: “Why is it that I sometimes find it so hard to give when they so freely give everything they have – not only their material possessions but their love, compassion, encouragement and everything else I don’t have words for?”
Lucy will never know how much her brief friendship taught me or how much I came to realize when she gave me her bracelet. I am still trying to answer these questions: How can I love the people around me when I am tired? How can I love the people around me when I am grumpy? How can I love the people around me when it’s the last thing I want to do? How can I love like Lucy (and so many of the other girls) loved me? I am still learning what it looks like to love my teammates. But I do know that I cannot rely on myself to love them the way they deserve and that I have an ever so gracious God that wants to love them through me. How lucky am I that God has chosen me to love these beautiful women I call: sisters, teammates, friends, and brats (out of love of course and not because they are)?
~my beautiful teammates & captian~
Today I read in 1 Peter 4: 8-11 “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies – in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
It amazes that despite my faults and failures he still wants to use me. He still wants to love through me and work through me. And how silly of me to think that I can’t… because He can! He always can. Things will never be impossible for him (Phil 4:13). He can give me the strength to make it through the day, if I let him. He can love my teammates through me when I think its impossible, if I let him. So why is it that I (we) often try so hard to do things on our own when He wants so badly to help us? Is it pride? Is it stubbornness? Is it something else entirely different? Whatever it may be, it would probably be easier to just get over myself (ourselves) and ask Him for help!
So Jesus, I am on knees, asking for your help! Help me to love better! Give me the strength to love even on the days I don’t want to or am too tired.
