It’s easy for me to base my mood on what the weather is like.
During those dreary winter months, my emotions often reflect the cold, icy winds that creep through your skin no matter how many layers of clothing you’re wearing. Not enough vitamin D, they say.
And that’s probably why during the warm days that are filled with buttery yellow sunlight, I often feel on top of the world.
Home sweet home – back in Ontario, Canada.
After all, I have the freedom to truly experience the great outdoors without having to worry about frostbite.
When it comes to rain, I have always had a sort of love-hate relationship with it.
When I was a tomboyish kid whose first priority was having the best adventure every day. I thrived and frolicked in the rain. The muddier I was when I tramped into the back room of my house, the better.
As I got older though, of course my priorities changed a little bit.
Getting caught in the rain on my way to school meant that my hair would end up frizzy and my makeup would most likely run, God forbid.
I began to see the rain as a complete inconvenience – an element set in place for the sole purpose of ruining my life.
Gone were the days of adventure and dancing in the rain, and in their place were days of sprinting to the bathroom the minute I stepped off the bus before anyone saw the horrific sight that was my hair post-precipitation.
Over the years however, I’ve grown to see rain in a new light.
When I see a dreary day on the horizon and the clouds roll in, bringing rain along with them, I don’t instantly wish instead for the sun to come back out.
My beautiful friend Mallory always says that it’s a good thing when the sky is full of clouds – after all, Jesus promised to return to us on the clouds.
Clouds and palm trees near our house in Changlun, Malaysia.
As I sit on the bus on the journey back to the capital of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, to meet up with the rest of the squad before moving on to our next country, it’s raining.
The mountains that we pass are shrouded in a hood of thick grey clouds – and instead of groaning inwardly about the lack of sunlight, I’m reminded of what Mallory says every time it’s a rainy day.
All I can think is, “What if Jesus chooses this moment right now to descend to earth to bring us to be with him?”
And then I think, “What do I have to show for it?”
Sure, I’m travelling the world in the name of Jesus for 11 months.
But if Christ were to return to this earth today, would He be pleased with the work that I’ve accomplished for Him?
Or would He say that I could have done more for Him?
When I get to the end of the line, I want it to be because I’ve loved Jesus on earth with everything I am and lived in His freedom for everyone to see.
I want Him to say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
Am I really running fast enough towards Him?
Am I yearning enough for growth?
Or am I just complacently living in the mundane?
I could say that this past month in Malaysia was slow, and I could also say that I didn’t feel as if I even did that much in terms of ministry.
But the real question is, did I really allow myself to be changed from the inside out by the Lord?
I got into a routine this past month, and while I had plenty of time to spend with Him, and I often used it, I can’t honestly say that I’ve truly been allowing myself to be so vulnerable with God that I feel changed.
In fact, I know I’ve been putting up walls to prevent myself from having to go outside my comfort zone when it comes to walking in what the Lord has for me.
It scares the crap out of me, so I’ve been resisting.
So I’m asking this question again: if Jesus were to return on this cloudy, rainy day, would He look at me and be overjoyed with how I’ve lived my life for Him?
Or would He take one look at how I balked when I should’ve said yes and tell me He wishes I had cracked my heart wide open for Him to fill and fix?
I know that my Father loves me and is proud of me no matter how hard I run after Him.
But there is still that huge part of Him that desires so much for me to give Him all of me.
The Lord has an endless amount of love and gifts that He wants to bless me with, and right now instead of joyfully accepting them and walking in them, I’m fearfully huddled in the corner, afraid that I’ll fail Him.
Here’s my public declaration:
I am going to begin accepting the gifts the Lord is trying to give me.
I am going to begin walking in the confidence He so desperately wants me to have.
I am going to shut down in His name any lies that are thrown my way in regards to the freedom that I have in Him.
I am going to live a life that pleases Him, so that when He returns on the clouds to bring me to my eternal home, He’ll look at me, smile, and say with confidence, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
View from the island of Langkawi in Malaysia.
