Expectations
This is the point where I’m suppose to tell you all these great expectations that I have for the race. That I will be inspired and empowered by what I’m doing. Or that it will be the hardest experience of my life. Or that my relationship with Jesus and His Father will grow strong and everlasting. Or that I will experience love and joy like no other.
Well, while all of these are true… the truth is I expect nothing.
Now before you become appalled and exasperated, let me explain. I am choosing to expect nothing. I want to go into this experience with a blank mind and a blank heart and let God do the rest. I feel that if I have all of these expectations and hopes, that if or when it doesn’t happen I’ll be disappointed. I’d be disappointed and be questioning and thinking, “God why did you bring me here if it wasn’t going to be all of these things I had hoped for?”
So, I am choosing to go into this experience completely a blank slate and letting God lead me where He chooses.
Realizations
While accepting this journey that God has sent me on, I have realized a few things that I’d like to share.
1. I can’t do this alone. Whether it’s in daily prayers, conversations with friends, or the support from my family, I know that I am not on this journey alone.
2. I will be forever changed. When I get back from this trip, I won’t think in the same way or feel in the same way. I will cherish what’s important to me and realize that the rest of the stuff doesn’t matter.
3. This journey has already begun. A fellow teammate of mine blogged earlier in the week about how the race doesn’t begin when you launch and land in a country. It begins the moment you begin thinking about applying for it. Throughout applying, fundraising, and preparing, this 11 month journey is much longer. But as stated in #1, I couldn’t do it alone and I know I don’t have to.
Fears
Although I don’t have the fears of giant snakes and spiders, or a fear of flying or being away from home. I do have fears. Fears that I won’t be able to do enough. Fears that I’ll let my emotions get in the way. And fears that I’ll get frustrated along the way.
I know that this will be the greatest experience of my life, it already has been, and I can’t wait to see what else He has in store for me!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
xoxo,
Kaitlin
