Life here in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, or more fondly known as the U.P., is beautifully simplistic.
It really is.
During the summers, my relatives and I would all make it a point for the clan to go north and spend some quality time here.
It was like therapy to me. All the troubles and burdens of the world would fade into the background, and everything would become beautifully simplistic once again.
It was a place for me to rest then, and it’s my refuge now.
But before I get into my kumbaya moment, I would like to share something with you.
Since arriving at Fortune Lake I’ve been battling loneliness, accountability, and self-deception. I know, it may sound odd, but let me rewind a bit and give you some background before I move on.
I’m going to be candid with you all.
Transition is HARD. It’s TOUGH. It’s UGLY at times.
And yet through all the messiness, it’s still beautiful.
The reverse culture shock and the shock of not living in intense 24/7 community still gets to me even though it’s already been five months since I’ve been back in America. (How has it been that long already?!)
I felt like I slammed on the brakes and was skidding out of control. That is, until recently.
Please allow me the honor of telling you why and how.
For me, I had to do a perspective and identity check.
You see, I’ve been trying to be that person I think everyone wants me to be. I mean come on, I just backpacked around the world for a year serving the least of these. I should have it all together right?
It’s quite silly really. I’ve been going hard for a very long time. In the last 3 years I’ve been to 33 countries, lived in 14 of them, and road tripped across the United States at least 5 times. Not only am I physically spent, but also emotionally and mentally spent from the constant change.
I’m tired.
I need rest.
Growing up I’ve always disliked resting. It bothered me. I felt like I was wasting time. And unfortunately, I would look down on others who would rest.
I’ve hit the ground running since I’ve been here in Michigan—both at work and in my personal life. Living at the place I work, it’s hard to stop sometimes since it’s so easily accessible and I enjoy getting the job done. I also have been setting ridiculous standards for myself in other areas of my life.
In essence, I’ve been trying to be little Miss Perfect. UGH. I dislike what I was doing to myself.
It’s been a war zone in my head for too long. I’ve been alone and my mind has been going a million miles an hour. If I go down a bad rabbit hole, I drown. This has led to a lot of confusion, frustration, guilt, and anger.
I realized though that this life is in actuality beautifully simplistic.
I don’t have to create these crazy rules and lines in my head to follow. I don’t need to keep striving for that impossible horizon. I’ll always fall short because I’m chasing the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
What I need is to rest.
Really rest.
This doesn’t mean I’m giving myself an excuse to not do what I need to do. Don’t get me wrong folks, I always will continue to chase after my passions and dreams.
However, it doesn’t mean I have to beat myself down mentally along the way.
I’m not going to lie; I was constantly looking around to see where my next season would take me. Or I’d reminisce on my previous season. What I’m trying to say is that I was in denial of the present.
But that’s the thing. I believe God created this season specifically for me so that I could learn and grow in ways that would only happen if I were here in small town Crystal Falls, Michigan living alone in my apartment, working at Fortune Lake Lutheran Camp.
Cheers to a beautifully simplistic life.
