There are times when I wish I could be everywhere at once.
There are times when I wish I could throw myself in front of whatever danger or catastrophe is headed someone’s way.
Especially with those I love.
I think one of the hardest things for me about traveling is saying goodbye. But not just in the sense that I wish I could be with them always.
It’s a beautiful thing when you love people with the love of God. But with the amount of traveling I’ve done in the last several years, I’ve loved and let go, loved and let go.
I hate that I’ll start loving people, and then have to pick up and leave. Especially when it comes to kids.
Whether I love them through blood, or as I like to call them, treat them like my hanai (related but not my blood) family, it’s so hard to say goodbye. Even as I write this, countless children flash through my mind—my children from Hawaii, Spain, Denmark, across the world.
These past few years though, I’ve felt God teaching me a lesson—a hard lesson at that.
And that is, I have to give back His precious children to Him.
They’re not mine to hold onto forever. I’m entrusted with these kids for a season, but then I have to let them go again.
Countries apart—it frustrates me at times. Seeing them go through struggles, knowing I can’t be the one to love on them in that moment. Knowing my arms aren’t the arms surrounding them, loving them, protecting them.
It’s in those hard moments that I have to surrender and pray. Pray and trust that Jesus loves them even more than I do. Jesus loves them so much, that He has other people be with them. It just can’t be me.
In the scariest of times, I’ve been horrified and angry to be on the other side of the world, knowing I can’t be with those I love. Whether I’m in Hawaii, Europe, South America, Africa, or Asia, I just can’t win. Nor will I ever win at this rate.
This season has been especially hard on me. Knowing that I’m here in Vietnam, when my kids are in the other far reaches of the world.
But to those who know the feeling and frustration that arises from feeling so helpless, it’s okay.
It’s okay.
I’d encourage you to ask the Lord to do a great work in their lives. To ask Him to love on your child and surround them with the love they deserve.
I’ve been humbled countless times knowing I’m not the pillar in someone’s life.
With or without me, God will continue to do His work.
It hurts a little to know that (my pride getting in the way), but then I’m thankful to not have such a huge burden. It allows me to stay present in the place and people He surrounds me with.
I have to stop and remember. God sent me to Vietnam for a very specific reason. There’s a reason why I’m here, even though my heart wants to fly to other places.
This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn and went swimming with the kids from Promise House. These children are orphans and need just as much love as do my kids around the world. And I have to say, I’m starting to fall in love all over again.
And the funny thing is that once I chose to invest myself here and let the Holy Spirit do His thing, He went above and beyond what I thought possible.
I can breathe again knowing I’m here for a purpose. I can choose to invest myself wholeheartedly, trusting that God has other people loving on my kids just as intently.
Even more than that, I can trust God in my future seasons. There are times when my judgment can get clouded and I want to choose an option so that I can be the one who’s present in someone’s life, but entrusting God with His people allows me to see clearly exactly where He needs me to be next even if it doesn’t “make sense” to me.
For those who can relate to what I’m feeling, I’d encourage you to let go of being the pillar in someone’s life. Jesus is that pillar, and you can love them near or far.
You’re where you are for a purpose.
