I am not going to lie and say this trip has always been easy because it hasn’t. There have been many nights of struggles, of tears, of questions, of just not waiting to push through.
I have had a really hard time the past month and a half with exhaustion, trying to keep my eyes open, trying to stay present in ministry.
On the race there are times where you have a lot and there are some months where you have little and here in Cambodia was one of those months where we had little…
it wasn’t until my conversation with God when I realized I didn’t have a little I had everything.
We stayed in a village in Cambodia and we tented at the top of this house, made all out of wood with a balcony looking out into the village. We called it our treehouse. Little did I know God was going to meet me in that tree house.
Me:
I’m tired.. not tired.. exhausted!
It’s hot.. I’m always drenched in sweat.
Not taking a shower for 6 days..
Is this food sanitary..
I’m bit everywhere..
There’s mice and bugs.. I can’t go up there alone..
If amy doesn’t shut the tent in 5 seconds this tent is gonna be filled with bugs..
What’s next..
Money money money is it always gonna be an issue…
I just feel out of it today..
can I do this anymore…
Him:
KAILAA… are you done yet..
can you just stop and open your eyes. You see all the green around you.. that’s me I created that! Those kids that you give half your attention to.. those are mine! The boy who wants to read the word with you and talk to you every day I led him there! the food you eat is what I provided for you! stop worrying about the future. Be present be in the midst of my wonder. I will bring you joy. Your struggles will stop if you just choose joy.. are you going to be present? Are going to trust me? Do you trust me?
Me: do I trust you… yes? No? Yes! But…
Him: there is no buts. I am the only one controlling this. Kailaa I will give you strength. I will also give you rest. You are my daughter. Close your eyes and when you wake up you will have a new perspective. Know that I am God, stop worrying, be still.. trust me.. you can do this! Look how far you have already come, I am a proud Father. Keep sharing my name, keep bringing the kingdom to the places you are at, like I’ve told you to..
That simple of a conversation with God in my prayer time changed everything. He is God. The King of Kings, Lord of Lords and no matter how hard this journey gets on and off the race I need to CHOOSE joy. I need to keep fighting through because He is there through everything.
Though we didn’t have much. I had everything. The green nature was more beautiful then ever. The kids became my joy that I didn’t want to let go. I found hope for the guy who talked to me every day his smile is something I will hold dear. I will miss Cambodia. May Gods light forever shine and reign in this place.
