Tonight, I stood on a rooftop overlooking downtown Dallas, "a change of scenery often translates into a change of perspective" (The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson), and my heart cried out to God in prayer…
Where are you? I'm right here. I can't feel you. I'm always with you. I can't hear you. You're not listening. I need you to show up. Be still, and know that I am God… You're so far away. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart… I want to be angry and bitter. I won't love you any less. Do you have any idea what I'm giving up for you? I gave my Son as a living sacrifice. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. I understand. I understand your pain and your struggle. I know I'm being selfish. I'll love you through it. I'm scared. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. I will never leave you nor forsake you. I'm committed to you. I know. It's not you, it's me.
Confession is good for the soul.
God,
Thank you for being patient with me, for your constant pursual of me, for loving me – through my doubts, through my fears, through my questions, through my ugly. You said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." I've committed my life to you. Commitment is hard. I don't know what the adventure(s) ahead look(s) like, but I know that I'm journeying with you. It's gonna be worth it…
