“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
Hemingway
If you’re cool with a rambling soul than read ahead. If you want a nice, fluid blog that makes a lot of sense… read with caution.
Month 4 is quickly coming to an end.
Team changes will be happening next month and we only have one more month left in Asia
Where is the time going? I refuse to countdown. I refuse to count how many more days we have on this race but I know that it’s not a lot in hindsight.
That doesn’t mean that homesickness hasn’t happened. It doesn’t mean that the realization of 11 months hasn’t come screeching to a halt staring me right in the face everyday.
If anything, month 4 has taught me to “Carpe Diem” if you will. I am pretty sure I just walked across the border to Thailand yesterday but instead time is telling me that next Wednesday is already my last night with my precious students whom I have come to love immensely.
To be quite honest this month has been one of the tougher ones. I am an introvert. I am someone who says I don’t need sleep but really, a good nights rest is gold this month. Speaking in front of groups has never been my cup of tea and now I have a classroom all my own. Sleeping in a tent every single night with a teammate isn’t my idea of fun but it’s the reality. Seeing “adult” videos being sold where I am walking to get coffee isn’t my idea of a good, refreshing quiet time but it’s real life. Seeing white, foreign men walking with beautiful Thai women who are probably the age of their daughters isn’t a comforting or pleasurable sight but it’s what I see most of the time on my walk throughout the days.
Spiritual warfare is a very real thing. Wanting to “check out” of the race and be present in your phone with your friends and family back home enjoying Fall and football is a very real thing.
Fighting for contentment is hard. Telling people the gospel isn’t the hardest thing for me this month. Fighting to stay present right where I am and to dig my roots down deep right where I am is the hardest struggle right now.
Thankfully I have teammates, squadmates, squad leaders and a squad mentor who know and understand this struggle and they point me right to Jesus. They know the self-talk of “man I wish I was home eating chili and watching football” or “shut up, self, you’re in Thailand. You’re living the life.”
If there is one thing that I am learning it’s how to be steadfast. It has been the word of this whole race but this month it is more real than any other month. You’re probably thinking, as am I, “get some new material!” But I hope and pray that He is teaching you as much about being steadfast as He is me.
I have a squad mentor all the way in Gainesville, GA who has been such an encouragement to me over the weeks and she has poured so much into my life. (Shout out to you, Ashley! Everybody go checkout her blog HERE) One of my favorite verses is:
“Take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees…”
Hebrews 12:12
I think it’s funny that sometimes we forget the word and sometimes the Lord sends someone to remind us of it when we’ve all the sudden become blind to it. This chapter is talking about spiritual discipline and it goes on to talk about strengthening yourself so that the lame will not fall.
I could write for hours on that but I will spare you of that and instead I want to encourage you, because even though you may not be on the Race you should still be steadfast in what the Lord has called you to.
I have learned that being steadfast requires finding strength and finding a new grip so that we “don’t grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not give up.” I have learned that being steadfast is important because “our toil is not in vain.”
I have learned that “we consider those blessed who have remained steadfast.”
Job was steadfast.
Abraham was steadfast.
Noah was steadfast.
Moses was steadfast.
I will be steadfast.
I pray that you will be steadfast.
Steadfast in the easy. In the hard. In the good. In the bad. In the valley. On the mountaintop.
Steadfast. Faithful. Patient in the process.
Life Update: Teaching English is quickly coming to an end and I am going to be so sad about leaving my students when it is all over. This month has been all about relationships and wow. The Lord has been so, so good. Some teammates and I went to dinner with my class last night. They ordered SO MUCH food for all of us to try and then they paid for it. We had a night of smiles and laughter and practicing English. The Thai people are really something. I am going to press in and dig in this last week that I have with them. Markets are happening this weekend and who knows what else. The possibilities are actually endless. We will leave for Malaysia next Friday and will have a few days of debrief with our leaders, mentors and coaches in our presence! I am beyond excited to meet up with the whole squad and hear all that God has done in their month! Thank you to everyone that has been supporting, praying and encouraging me. You mean everything to me.
