I leave for Training Camp THIS Thursday and there are so many emotions about it. Forgive me if this blog goes in 15 different directions. I could not be more excited to meet all of my wonderful Squad but at the same time the week leading up to it has been a rough one. I always know that the Lord is about to do something incredibly great because of how much opposition comes at me before. This past week has been an emotional one. I am nervous for the unexpected of Training Camp and that is coming out in ways that sort of make me feel like a train wreck. Thankfully, I’m not the only one on the squad feeling this way and we have all rallied around each other to pray us through.
My main focus at the beginning of this week was that I had to fight against it and get it all worked out myself. That I had to fight against the emotions and use all the energy that I have to push through it. Instead, I have a God that tells me He fights for me and I need only to be still. I have a God that went with David to kill a giant. I have a God that reminds me that He has called me to this therefore, He will bring me through this. He has equipped me with everything that I need to get through the storms of my life. Not only to make it through them but to learn and grow and become closer to Him through them.
As weird as it may sound I am thankful for a rough week because through this week I have had to depend on God more than I have since starting this journey. I have had to lay these battles down at His feet and know that He is in control. That nothing comes to me without first going through Him. I haven’t handled the whole week with grace and I have failed a lot but He is teaching me what it looks like to trust Him. He’s teaching me what it is to put my satisfaction in Him and Him alone. That people don’t determine my life. That people don’t save me but He has and continues to everyday. I am not savior to anyone and they are not savior to me, I am saved by the one true Christ and I am loved and I am redeemed and I am made worthy because of Him.
To be quite honest the enemy has been bringing up old emotions from my social work job. Emotions that aren’t pretty and that make me feel unworthy of this calling God has placed on my life. The enemy always brings up old stuff, his weapons are never new. When the enemy tries to put guilt on me that I didn’t do enough at work or when he tries to put doubt in my heart that I won’t be able to handle this race because I could hardly handle that job, the Lord oh so sweetly reminds me that “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.” He reminds me that I can’t do this race on my own. I can’t minister to human trafficking victims on my own. I can’t save orphans on my own. I can’t heal the sick or raise the dead on my own. I couldn’t do my job on my own. But if God is for me who can be against me? By Him and Him alone did I do that job and by Him and Him alone will I run this race well. It will be hard. It will be emotional. Just as this past week has been but with the Lord all things are possible and souls will be saved and orphans will be loved and captives will be set free. Learning to depend on Him and not people is hard. Learning to please Him and not people is hard. Learning to hear His voice louder than the enemy’s is hard. But I am thankful that I have a God that radically pursues me to remind me that I am His and nothing can ever take that away. That when I am an emotional mess, He loves me just the same. When I am wallowing in guilt and shame, He comes quickly and breathes life into my dry bones. Be encouraged, my friends, that God will never leave us nor forsake us. That He loves us just the way we are but that He isn’t satisfied with leaving us that way.
I ask that you pray for my Squad this week. Training Camp begins on the 21st and ends on the 31st. Pray for safety as we all travel to meet each other!! Also, pray for peace as we are all trying to fit our life into one big pack and one smaller backpack. It is stressful and most of us are overwhelmed. Pray for protection from these spiritual battles that a lot of us are going through and that the Lord does huge work over the next week. A lot of people are asking what training camp entails and I honestly can’t answer that. I know that we will be pushed to the limit and we will be taken out of our comfort zones most of the time. There will some worship, some fellowship, some hiking, some sleeping in tents but most of all there will be God in it all. Go on over to the “meet my squad tab” and see what the Lord is doing through everyone else. Hey, T-Squad: my love language isn’t physical touch but I’m ready to hug your necks!!!!
