Who is deserving of grace?
That’s the question the Lord has been turning over and over in my head for the past week. I think we can all answer that we don’t deserve the grace that the Lord pours out on us. We didn’t deserve a sinless Jesus to go to the cross for our sins. Thankfully the Lord doesn’t give out grace based on what we deserve but based on who He is. Blog post done. No, but really. The Lord is so gracious.
So at my job I dealt with a lot of people who were hard to love because of the things that they had done. Most of the time I suppressed everything that I would see and not deal with it and at times I felt like I was going to explode. Long story short over the last few weeks the Lord has been working on those places in my heart that I need to process and try and understand. Places of anger and bitterness and sadness just to name a few. It’s like one by one and case by case He is working on me. It has literally been like two weeks of straight counseling from Counselor God. I saw this quote the other day: “sometimes you don’t feel the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight release.” So we (me and Counselor God) are currently working on this one case in my heart where I have a lot of anger pent up about it. I have a lot of sadness for the situation but mostly anger. You know what the Lord told me to do about it? Pray for them.
I wish I could say that my response was super spiritual and I hit my knees and prayed for them for hours. I wish I could say that I was obedient. Instead, I fought with God about it. I told Him that I didn’t want to and that they didn’t deserve my prayers. That I have already spent too much time on them and they don’t deserve anymore of my emotions. I shook my fist and I felt like Jonah running in the opposite direction of where the Lord was telling me to go. Y’all I seriously wrestled with the Lord for what seemed like hours because He was like a nagging child who wouldn’t leave me alone until I did it.
So. With a bitter, angry and honest heart I began to pray for them. I believe the Lord wants honesty. I believe that He wants us to say what we think and boy did He get an earful. I was not happy about this prayer. It was something that was so difficult for me. In my prayers I let the Lord know how I felt they didn’t deserve my time or my prayers and I even went as far as to say that they don’t deserve His grace and mercy. Like the Lord does, He let me ramble and He let me rant and rave (in my sin) about what I thought and how I felt and then I gave up and I sat in the quiet waiting for His response. He simply said “who is deserving of grace?” Oh. Okay God. Obviously, He continued to talk and I continued to listen as He asked if I deserved His grace and if Moses deserved it. Or if David or Adam and Eve deserved it.He went through characters of the bible one by one reminding me that no one deserves it. That it is a gift that He has freely given because He loves us. Because He cares for us. Because He created us. Because He wants us in heaven with Him one day, for all eternity. This grace isn’t based on the works of my hands.
The Lord isn’t finished working on me with this particular situation and He has actually stirred it in my heart to pray for them on a daily basis. Show acts of love and you will begin to actually love. If I continue to pray then I will begin to form a sincere heart to pray from. Call into being what isn’t there. I’m not married but from what I hear marriage takes work because the feeling of love isn’t always there. It is the same in this Christian life. The feeling of love isn’t always there. The want to pray for someone isn’t always there but I am about the Father’s business and that business is souls. I want people to see this love that God has shown me and the only way they can see is if I show them in my own actions. I want to pray from a sincere heart for this family and for that to begin to happen I must just simply pray even if it from an angry, honest heart. The Lord can work with honest anger, He can’t work with a suppressed, prideful “I don’t need any help” heart. There is no pit too deep that the Lord cannot reach into. There is no sin dark enough that will cause the Lord to stop pursuing you and me. Love covers a multitude of sins. I can’t throw the first stone because I am not without my own sin so I must pray. I must get the log out of my own eye to help get the speck out of others. I’m thankful for a personal God who pursues all of us like we are the only ones. Who comes rushing into our lives like there is no one else in this world. He is so good and He is so gracious and although none of us deserve His grace He wants us all to have it just the same.
Thank you all so much for your giving!! I am in awe of the Lord’s provision. All of my gear has been bought and I am over halfway funded! Also, I am still waiting on t-shirts which is taking longer than expected but will hopefully be here soon! Also, don’t forget that there is about a week and a half left to order Go Rings! Just go HERE and remember to write my name in the note to seller box!
PS I have some really awesome squadmates and I think you should go over to the “Meet My Squad” tap and check out their blogs!
