*Here’s my latest verbal processing session with Noe. Welcome into my mind. *
Why isnt love
enough? You know, why wouldnt you give it all up for His heart?
I just feel like
its a no brainer. So then why is it hard for my brain to grasp this right now?
I know why I
wouldnt.
Because I love myself too much.
Every fiber of
my flesh says NO! My carnal self wants the exact opposite of what the Lord
wants. It means I cant satisfy every desire, want, need, or will. Thats why.
So, Im scared.
I really am scared where this love will
take me, because its going to take me to places I
really dont want to go. Its like Paul on the road to Damascus when he was
blinded by the pure love of Jesus. Once he saw this type of love, He couldnt
go back to persecuting the Lords name and the church. He literally had to drop
everything and follow Christ. Like literally, he had to turn away. The love of
the Father is something that people just cant back away from.
But I feel like
some people do. Like the rich man when he asked Jesus what must he must do to
enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said give it all up, sell all of his
possessions and give up all of his money. He couldnt do it. He loved money too
much.
I dont want to
be the rich man.
From where I am
personally with the Lord, Hes showing me what it means to hear His voice and
obey. Hes showing me what a rebellious heart looks like, its a defiant
unbelieving heart. He is showing me that He cant use a rebellious nation,
those are the ones that are not allowed to enter His rest. As it says in
Hebrews 3,
Today, if you hear his voice, do not
harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the
wilderness. As I swore in my wrath, they shall not enter my rest.
But I know now that if I receive His love and turn away from my flesh,
there is no going back. He has turned my
heart of stone into a heart of flesh. Its now soft; its no longer hard like
it used to be. His words no longer bounce off of me, they pierce my soul and
they stick. He is going to make me do some crazy things, and I dont know if
Im all about those crazy things.
