Two weeks ago:
I was house hunting with my current and future roommates (we really liked the white house with blue shutters and a giant sunroom).
My brother was in America and was about to get married.
My family was planning Christmas in my parents’ brand new house.
I was contemplating a girls’ trip to Savannah in September, just before the last Training Camp of the year, just to take some time to breathe.
Everything has changed.
The home I’ll be moving into once I vacate this apartment once cost $159, has mesh walls, and is held up by two collapsible orange poles (my roommate will be Stan, my pack).
My brother is married and deployed, I got to see him 5 times in the past two years including his wedding. I'll see him again next Spring.
I’m now planning Christmas in Nepal with 40 new best friends.
Savannah will have to wait for an undetermined length of time.
I’m in a whirlwind.
In the past two weeks, I fell in love 40 times in a day, celebrated two weddings, cried more times than I can count, laughed harder than is ever appropriate at a restaurant (I was exhausted), and said goodbye for ¾ of a year over the phone at 7:30 in the morning – later I woke up on my friend’s couch, a full day of work elapsed–
Are you having trouble following? So am I.
It’s okay, though. Because it’s not about me – and it is – and it isn’t. I’m getting off track again.
My heart is more full than it’s ever been, and more broken than I remember giving consent for it to be right now…I answer more questions than not with, “I don’t know, yet,” and I have to get up every morning and look in the mirror and say – out loud – that I am not run by fear.
Things are a mess. God is not, though. I don’t have a lot of eloquence for this; I just wanted to share the truth that’s been tested and has proved itself in my life this month:
When your eyes are fixed on Jesus, the deepest grief and greatest celebrations and most uncertain transitions – even when they’re all coming at the same time – cannot shake you. I know that’s true, I’m standing in the eye of the storm right now and I feel unshakeable.
My life has never been less stable than it is now, and I have never been more secure. My heart has never been stretched in more directions than it is now, and I have never been more confident in God’s love for me.
And that love? It really is all it’s cracked up to be. It’s our guide and our stay, and we can rest in it.
I just wanted you to know that.
What do you need? Rest? Answers? Direction? Reassurance?
Probably not. You may just need to fix your eyes back on the cross. I just found out that it really is that simple.
More concrete information about my upcoming squad leading adventure is to come, along with some tangible ways that you can help me prepare for the 5 months I'll spend out of the country starting in September. Stay tuned, and thanks for joining me in this journey!
All my love,
kl
