"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
I spent 19 years on a stage: any stage, anywhere I could perform. Then I met this Man who is also a God who is also my Savior and, suddenly, my desires started to change. My concentration in school went from Musical Theatre to Communication and Anthropology. Translation: my concentration in school went from how to win the best roles and attain the greatest applause for myself to reading books upon books about people, inter-personal relationships, and cultures…and I loved it.
I spent 19 years on the move: I went to three elementary schools, three high schools, and two colleges. Then, the same One who changed my heart for my studies amplified my desire to travel to a nearly intolerable level. I liked change, I liked to be in new places, I disliked routines and anything that felt monotonous. I felt trapped in school, I felt suffocated by the student loans that I knew would imprison me if I left school. I wanted to hit the ground running, but I was stuck.
I spent 19 years accepting the limits people told me existed. Then, the same God who had begun changing my heart and who had kindled my desire to be on-the-move gave me confidence in His Word: He is capable of anything, and is in control of all things. So I began praying for the Lord's will in my life [always a good idea, in case you were wondering].
February 2010: I'm working retail and I've got a line of at least 5 people waiting for me to ring up their items. 4 of them pay either with a check or a credit card so I have to check an ID for each of them. The 5th person is finally here, I ring up his items, he hands me a twenty dollar bill and says, "here's my ID." Intrigued, I ask him to elaborate: "well, money determines what you do, where you live, what you wear, who you hang with, what you drive, where you shop…money is what people see when they look at us, it’s our worth. Money’s our identity, right? Here's my ID."
My thoughts: What if you lost all of that tomorrow?
If you had no money?
Would you be nothing?
Would you be worth nothing?
But so many people in this world have so little.
Do they believe they are worth nothing?
So many people in this country have so much.
Will they ever be free of their identity crisis and see their eternal worth in the Father's Kingdom?
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (Matthew 6:24)
I spent a few minutes collecting myself. Then, the Creator who had begun changing my heart, amplified my desire to travel, and given me confidence in His Word started to let me see this world through His eyes in an entirely new way. I stopped trying to collect myself. I cried. I broke, and as broken as I felt then, I knew it was only the surface cracking and I was desperate to be used to spread this good news: our worth is found in the eyes of the King who offers us salvation and sees Jesus in our place when He looks at those of us who have accepted the Truth of the Gospel! Free of charge, He's your new ID.
Fast Forward:
May 2010 – I sign a lease on a new (to me) apartment so I'm all set to return to school in August, I move to Tennessee for 10 weeks to do a discipleship program and I'm asked by the program directors what my career-leading is. I answer, "missions."
July 2010 – the Lord reveals a lot of sinful attitudes in my heart toward school and I decide to take some time off [enter: mild panic about student loans].
August 2010 – HP offers me a sweet job, I move home wondering if I was really wrong when I answered that question back in May and said I wanted and believed the Lord was preparing me to be a missionary.
December 2010 – I'm working the 9-5, comfortably and quickly paying off student loans and other debts; and my heart is still changing, my restlessness is growing, my confidence in the sovereignty of God is unshaken, and my desire to see more of the world through God's eyes is burning.
January 2011 – I learn that the World Race exists.
Staring at that timeline written out is so overwhelming for me, do you see it? I didn't know about the World Race, and the Lord had already begun liberating me from everything that I had felt was keeping me trapped. All the things I thought would prevent me from being a missionary were actually preparation for me to be a missionary.
Psalm 139 says the Lord charts the paths ahead of us, I see His footprints all over where I've been in the past year and He's led me to exactly where I am: preparing to leave the country for 11 months.
So, why the World Race?
…Jesus said so (by rearranging my entire life). What other reason is there?
