Miscarriage.
Misused. Mishandled. Misplaced. Misunderstanding. Misinterpreted.
Miscarriage.
I hate this word. When lined up next to other words carrying that same prefix, they all denote one thing: you did something wrong.
Too many women in my life have walked away from a doctor’s appointment, grieving the delivery of that word. They walk away broken and hurt. They walk away…and they think it’s their fault.
Then structures get put in place to prevent it from happening again. Diets change, their environment gets molded, rigorous physical activity ceases, vitamins get added, and calendars get utilized. Because the word denoted that it was their fault, then they must do something different.
But unhealthy women have babies. Women who live and dwell in environments that cultivate everything but a baby…are having babies. Women who play volleyball and run up to month 8 of their pregnancy…who have never taken a vitamin…who wonder what a calendar has to do with anything…are having babies.
As helpful as doctors and magazines and friends and family are in their ideas for how to best bring forth a child…the truth is: they don’t know.
They can guess. They can guess at what went wrong. Some doctors might be able to accurately tell you exactly what went wrong…but you still won’t really know why it went wrong.
This may seem to be going in a hopeless direction. And for any woman out there who has gone through this, for the one who can’t figure out the ‘why’, I hope this lands well. Because you just have to know…
It’s not your fault.
There’s nothing you did or didn’t do.
And this isn’t something you deserved because of it.
It isn’t because of that one day that you did x, y, or z.
It wasn’t time. As much as it feels like it should’ve been time…it wasn’t.
And the Lord is asking you to trust Him.
Forfeit the world’s philosophy and wisdom on this topic. Set aside even the term that it chooses to use. Surrender taking this burden on yourself…and trust Him.
I know it’s easier to find something that needs to be fixed…to find that ‘if I do this or don’t do this, then this will happen’…but I want to encourage you: lay it down.
I don’t know if it will ever be time…
And that’s the hardest part of all.
But I know it’s not based on your performance…so rest in that.
And I know He’s good…and His plan for you is SO good.
I know His ways are beyond our understanding…so I’m not going to pretend to know the ‘why’.
I know He can trump any hurdle or circumstance…yet I don’t always know when He will.
I know He didn’t forget you. I know that as much as this feels like He let you down, He’s right there.
I know His love for you is strong…and that this situation hasn’t changed that.
Remember that His plan for you is beyond you…remember that His love for you exceeds anyone else’s love for you…remember.
Cling to Him…cling to Him above the world.
Know that you’re not alone.
And regardless of what the term denotes: it wasn’t your fault.
And no one thinks it was your fault. There is no shame for you…none.
Love you so, so, so much.
