*For this blog to make sense, please go to Part One first!
The other day, I was thinking about Jesus. You know, the Word says that He suffered everything that was common to man.
“So it is evident that it was essential that He be made like His brethren in EVERY respect, in order that He might become a merciful and sympathetic and faithful High Priest…for because He Himself suffered in being tempted, He is able to run to the cry of those who are being tempted and exposed to suffering.” Hebrews 2:17-18
Well, the pang of loneliness is one of the most common sufferings that I come across. Some of you might think I’m being dramatic; therefore, my conclusion is that you were not single long enough. 
This is not a loneliness that is satisfied by friends or community…I mean, those things help…but this is a longing for something different…something more.
I might be wrong, but I feel like I’d be cheapening a lot of what Jesus lived for if I thought He didn’t encounter this. He had to of.
And with all the expressions throughout the Word indicating our God longing for His Bride…I’d be a fool to think it was a fleeting moment of a longing.
I wonder if any of His disciples ever said to Him, “But Jesus, God loves You…He’ll want to give you the desires of your heart. He would want you to be married and happy…”
Yeah…sounds crazy…but that’s what people tell me sometimes…it’s their consolation for my ‘if’ or for my longing. And it’s sweet and their intentions are noble, but I don’t think it’s entirely accurate.
Because God DID love Jesus.
And He didn’t love Him any less by not granting Him what I believe was a desire at some point or another.
I was singing that song, “Worthy of It All” the other day…and I was just stuck on those words. Worthy. Of. It. ALL.
All.
Every last dream, every last desire, every fairy tale ending I’d secretly or not-so-secretly wished for, every ounce of my pride, every preference…He’s worthy of all of that.
Believing and trusting Him involves trusting every Word He speaks…even when that Word doesn’t translate into a fairy tale.
Because you see, I have to believe Him when He says my heart is deceitful…so the desires of it right now might not even be true, healthy desires. They might not even be aligned with His desires for me at all…hence the need to commit this way of mine to Him. Hence the required delighting in Him.
God loving me has nothing to do with me getting married or not.
* * *
A picture someone got for me one time was of a flower. This flower had some ridges or rough edges on its petals. At first, she said it looked like something was wrong. But then the realization came that the ridges enabled the flower to catch the water. She looked at me and said, “I think this represents how you see the intricacies of God’s design.”
But in my head I knew…those petals with the rough edges…I sometimes deem ‘He-loves-me-not’ petals.
When I get the things I dreamed up for myself, the comforts I desire in that moment, I emphatically declare, “HE LOVES ME!”
And when I don’t…when the desire is left unmet by the thing that I thought should meet it…I deem the petal ‘He-loves-me-not.’
Not getting married is not the He-loves-me-not petal.
Because whatever design He has for each petal has a very specific purpose…some appear rougher and harder…but those are the ones that will catch the most water.
Those are the ones that have the capacity to receive the most from Him.
Life abundant can only happen when we recognize those petals for what they really are…and can recognize that every single petal says, “He loves me.”
Every. Single. One.
* * *
So today…do I hope for a marriage? For a husband to walk this life out with?
Um…YES. 
BUT…I trust Him. I don’t trust Him to bring me a husband, but I trust Him to give me life…abundant life at that.
I trust that He’s good…and I believe that He’s trustworthy.
I believe that He’s trustworthy.
* * *
There’s a part in Psalm 77, where the author is distraught in the night and in trouble, so he is praying, and says:
“I refuse to be comforted.”
He refuses sleep and any comfort the world would offer him in that moment, and seeks earnestly the Lord. He meditates on His works, he recalls all the things the Lord has already done.
So, I guess this is what I want to declare in the face of any heartache or pain that loneliness can evoke.
I will refuse to be comforted.
I will refuse to go get chocolate.
I will refuse to eat macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes and ice-cream.
I will refuse to watch a sappy romance.
I will refuse to listen to that country song.
I will refuse to just sleep the day away.
I will refuse to seek attention from men.
I will refuse to daydream continually escaping the life at hand.
I will find what it is to delight in the Lord.
I will allow this part of my life, this petal, to catch the abundance of water He is pouring out over it.
Here’s to a life. Here’s to a life with a God Who is crazy about me.
