You wouldn’t think that you could miss a whole lot in eleven months. I talked myself into thinking it wouldn’t be that much. It never seems like a lot happens in eleven months when I’m at home.
But this year…
I missed my sister’s ENTIRE pregnancy…and the arrival of my FIRST NIECE!
I missed at least two other friends having babies and at least three others in the midst of pregnancies.
I missed my brother and sister-in-law move into their new house.
I missed my dad’s 60th birthday.
I missed a couple weddings of people very dear to me.
I missed one of my favorite groups of volleyball girls play their freshman fall volleyball season.
I missed as one friend moved to a brand new city.
I missed several of my very best friends just living life.
I missed being a part of my home church just growing as a Body.
Lord…Father…You knew.
You knew I would miss all of this. You knew. I have to remind myself that You knew.
I long for home…sometimes I might even describe it as a yearning. I truly loved home. I left a life that was really good. I loved my home. I loved my family. I loved my friends and my church and all my different jobs.
Seriously…my life was really good.
That’s what makes this season so different.
I’ve spent a lot of my life running from things that were bad. If a place got uncomfortable or if I just got tired of it or if there were just confrontations that I didn’t want to have, I would just flee. I would flee to the next thing. (It’s not something I’m super proud of).
Fleeing was always the desirable thing for me…the easiest thing. Sometimes the command to flee came from the Lord…but only twice in my walk with Him did He ask me to flee. More often than not, He urged me to stay.
This was the first time that I was asked to go and leave a place that was good, to walk into a place that was unknown. This was the first time I wasn’t running.
And I yearn for the thing I left. And I won’t be coming home to the same home that I left. I know there will be changes. I’ve been assured it will most definitely be a different season…far from picking up where I left off.
And yet…I still yearn.
Home. One thing the Lord has been talking to me about is that longing for home. That intensity that I feel, that longing…is for Him. My home must be in Him. All the comfort I desire…all the familiarity that I ache for…that desire to be fully known…all of that…is for Him.
My home MUST be in Him first.
So, even when it feels like I’ve missed so many things…
And even when I cry because I just love those hearts that I left so much…
I’m at home in Him.
I’m comforted by Him. I’m known by Him. Fully assured that He won’t let me miss anything that I’m supposed to be a part of.
And I know that later, He’ll pull me aside, show me these 11 months that I spent away from the familiar…and point out each moment that my life would not have been the same without. And I would never want to miss that.
But here’s the little bundle of joy that I’m missing right now… 
All is well though…my mom has made a stick version of me at home that they are showing little Sadie often….so at least she'll recognize me .
