Same Same…but different.
What does that even mean?
I heard it all over the place last month…and felt a little behind because I truly had no clue where this came from…
I honestly figured it must come from Pitch Perfect or a Youtube video because typically on the Race, when I don’t get something, it stems from one of those two things.
But this didn’t.
So finally I asked the house mom of one of the girls’ homes we ate dinner at.
“What does this mean??”
She then took two Nalgene bottles that were exactly the same except different colors.
And she said, “See…same same…but different.”
“So it just means that they’re the same…but different?”
“Yeah, same same…”
Awe geez…
This past week I have been all over the place.
I think in my head I thought that by Month 10, I would be past being all over the place.
Turns out I’m not.
Turns out that I can still let my thoughts run as far as they want to.
Turns out I still have to choose to stop them
Turns out that where I let my thoughts go really does affect how I feel about something.
Turns out how I feel about something still can affect my mood.
Turns out my mood can still affect how I respond to situations.
Turns out how I respond to situations can in turn affect the people around me.
Turns out Negative Nancy is still not someone people want to be around…
And she’s still not someone I want to be around.
So…with that…
What’s different?
What’s different since January 12th when I stepped off the plane onto foreign soil?
Not that I expected the Race to have some miracle effect on who I am…but I would hope that any time-span…especially a 10 month time-span… would have some transforming effect on my soul and character…
So…what’s different?
I don’t know.
Because after a week like I just had, I question if there is any difference.
There has to be, right?
What if there is, and what if it’s not good?
If anyone would’ve observed me, they would have noticed my sense of entitlement had increased.
Entitlement…the thing that annoys me the most when I see it manifested in those around me…has increased.
I got annoyed because the guy at the restaurant couldn’t understand that I wanted milk for my coffee.
I got frustrated time after time when I didn’t get my way…when I didn’t get ice-cream…when I got milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate…when I had to pay four dollars for something instead of two…who is this girl?
Is it because as home draws closer, and as I long for it, every situation is compared to what things will be in a little over two months, so I’m frustrated that I’m still having to face things that would never happen at home?
That can’t be healthy…
And I’m pretty sure that is not the reason I came on this Race.
I didn’t come to prove to myself how much better things were at home.
Or to prove to others how much better things could be for them if they would do X, Y, & Z like they do at home.
But you wouldn’t know that if you had watched me over the past seven days.
You wouldn’t have known that at all.
So, honestly I don’t know what’s different…
But I can’t handle that being the difference…
The difference cannot be that I just hate foreign soil and love American soil.
I mean, I do love American soil…largely because I rarely have to weed it or till it…
But I can’t live in this absolute mind-set of “I love this, so I must hate this” or “Because it’s not like this (the way I’m used to or prefer), then it’s awful and I’m miserable.”
I can’t.
And I won’t.
And that will not be the difference I come out of this Race with.
Sigh.
Thankfully, I have over 60 days left to practice a different way of thinking…
And hopefully when I get back, someone will be able to look at this Kacie compared to January 2013 Kacie, and say, “Same same…but different.” (the good kind).
