Two more days of Africa…
Then it’s on to Asia.
And it’s on to my last three months of the Race.
My last three months.
Like maybe fourteen weeks…
And maybe 100 days…
(There are all kinds of ‘maybes’ because they don’t really tell us anything out here…but we are the masters of speculation…you should see a Racer who actually has REAL information…it’s a rare find…and they’re typically surrounded by a herd of other racers who pump them for all their worth)
But seriously, three months.
Three months left to transform into the butterfly I hoped to be in the end.
Well, maybe not so dramatic…
But as racers we all had ideas of what we wanted to get out of this race.
We were even advised to make a video about it when we first launched out.
I didn’t.
But I remember.
I remember who I was.
I remember what I struggled with.
I remember things I wanted to let go of…
I remember the parts of my heart I wondered if the Lord could really work in…
I remember the things that I wanted to be ‘fixed’.
And you know what…
8 months in…
I’m not ‘fixed’ yet.
God didn’t take me out here to fix me.
I wasn’t a caterpillar before, and I’m certainly not a butterfly now.
I was a girl…with a fifty pound pack…a 20 pound daypack…and a five pound personal item.
And I’m still a girl.
But I’m a girl with a lot less stuff.
My pack is now under 30 pounds…my daypack is under 10…and I now just have my volleyball for a personal item.
Each month I shed a little bit more weight.
You know, when I came on this Race, I looked at everything I had packed, and said, “I NEED this.”
“I can’t do without THIS.”
“I’m gonna want to use THIS.”
“But what if I get sick with…? But what if…what if…what if…?”
Each month I go through the stuff in my pack.
And I reevaluate what I really need.
I reevaluate if it’s worth it.
If carrying the weight of that thing is worth the benefit of having that thing.
And it’s usually not.
Because hauling that bag around can bring out the worst in me on those few travel days at the end of the month.
And in the same breath, each month, God asks me to reevaluate things with Him.
And as I look at different parts of my personality and who I am, He asks me, “Do you REALLY need this?”
“Is carrying the weight of this thing…worth the benefit of it?”
And you know what? Sometimes I answer: “Yes”.
In fact for the first five months, I would say more often than not, I said: “Yes.”
And the Lord would so gently say,
Kacie…it weighs you down.
But…it’s only a few days of the month…it’s not that bad.
But it brings out the worst in you on those days…
But it doesn’t happen that much…
But holding onto it keeps you from depending on Me…
But…
It’s a cut to the heart kind of thing.
I want to hold onto things that I feel will provide some benefit for me…but they bring out the worst in me…yet I rationalize them away because they don’t show their head daily…just sometimes…but having them there just takes up space that God could fill…that He could fill and provide in.
Yet, I’ve been keeping them.
So….No.
My new answer is: “No.”
Is carrying the weight of this thing…worth the benefit of it?
No.
And I might not know what I’m going to do without it.
I might not know how I’ll even function when I meet a situation where I might have used it before…
I might even think about it when I don’t have it…I might have to readjust the way I live in order to do life without it…
But next time when it’s travel day…
When it’s one of those moments that used to bring out the worst in me…
When it’s one of those moments…
I will throw up my lighter-than-ever pack…
Catch it on my back…
And run…
I’ll run because I’m able to run…
I’ll run because I finally said ‘no’ to the things that held me down…
Yeah…I will run.
3 months, my friends…3. More. Months.
May we RUN this race marked out for us. :o)
“Let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, looking away from all that will distract to Jesus…” Hebrews 12:1-2 (Amp)
