You would think it might take a few days of ministry for the Lord to break me…but oh no…it was on our free day.
Friday, in the midst of waiting to head out, I was able to have some quiet time in the airport…I prayed for just more of Jesus…and less of me.
We got to Ecuador, and had to ride a bus a little ways to where we were staying. I sat next to a girl whose friend had written her a message with a scripture for her to look up. She looked it up and had a puzzled look on her face. One that prompted me to ask what it was.
“John 3:30…but that’s weird…it doesn’t really make sense.”
“Well, what does it say?”
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
I laughed…of course it did.
The next day, my team was told we’d have a free day. We could do whatever we wanted.
We attempted to get to a market, which was not necessarily easy, but we got there. We went to a park, and I had the most amazing mango I’ve ever had in my life, followed by getting made fun of in Spanish by a comedian that was performing in the middle of the park.
On the way home, we stopped at a café, and I had a wonderful latte.
Now what does this have to do with the verse I just read or my prayer??
Well…all of what we did yesterday was good. But inside, stuff surfaced. I could tell at moments that I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to travel in a group. I didn’t want to have to get across the street as one unit. I wanted to do this THIS way…MY way. Ugh. As if I was worried the Lord wouldn’t have material to work with, He is now amply supplied.
NOW, the awesome part is this: He sticks with us.
I sat outside and prayed. It’s like I could hear Him say; “Let Me walk you through this…you’re not in trouble…just let Me walk you through it.”
I got to lay down a little later and pray some more.
My bible was open to Matthew 9. The blind men come to Jesus…which really isn’t the relevant part, but He looks at them, and asks: “Do you believe I’m able to do this?” (verse 28)
So I had to ask myself that. Do I believe He’s going to do this miracle in my heart?
If I do…then I have to surrender. My thoughts of criticism or judgement or comparison or any thought that ends in bitterness…have to be surrendered. Those things I feel are just “a part of me” must be given life no longer.
My way must decrease. My preference must decrease. My ideas of ownership of anything I have must decrease. Because those things are weighing me down. They leave one stressed, annoyed, scowling, and just disappointed…cuz it was never supposed to be MY way.
I must remember that I’m His. That nothing is mine anyways…it’s His. The things I try so hard to lay claim to are NOT MINE. And they are so much better in His hands anyways. The day is His. The hour is His. I am His. Anything I have is His.
His.
His increase, not mine.
So, Yes, Lord…I believe You are so, so able to do this.
And then I got to rejoice in worship that night. Absolutely REJOICE. If God says He can change this girl, then I’m gonna freakin rejoice 
