It’s month seven.
We are in our last week here in Mozambique. My team is one of two teams who actually made it out of Malawi, the other teams were denied access at the border unfortunately, so they spent another month in Malawi.
A quick update on life this month : This month has been an incredible month. I’m thankful for the days we get to spend with the boys here at Kadesh. We are living at a home where 20 some boys between the ages of 8-18 live. Days around here can look like just about anything you want it to. We begin every morning with oatmeal and coffee (that isn’t instant! Praise!) and we end each day with a movie and popcorn. There are different work projects to work on and activities to play like volleyball, disc golf, dancing, or playing Skip-Bo.
I wanted to share with you what god has been teaching me the past couple of months since it has been quite some time since my last blog update.
Last month god convicted me of holding onto these expectations of what following God should look like. Always questioning god and wondering why he doesn’t speak to me like he does this or that person, why he doesn’t give me visions like he does him/her, or why he doesn’t speak through me as powerfully as he does that person.
Don’t we all do that at some point in our lives? Look to the person to our right or left, wondering why we don’t have this or that they have?
This was a month of abandonment for me. God asking me to let go of all the comforts I am always turning to. I am living off the World Race budget, which is $5 a day. Thankfully our host is providing meals for us so that I’m not tempted by the snickers and cokes that stare me in the face every time we go to shop rite to grocery shop. They get me every time, y’all!
I also gave up listening to music this month. When I reloaded my spotify app after attempting (and failing) to update my iPad because TIA (this is Africa) and wifi is just not strong enough for that kind of task, I failed to make my music “available offline” which means that unless I have wifi I can’t listen to music. Most places in Africa don’t have wifi, especially wifi that is free. I was counting on being able to download the songs at debrief because, guess what, free wifi! But the wifi wasn’t working. Which has also been a common theme on the Race. Where there is “free wifi” there is also a very good chance it isn’t working or it is incredibly slow and not worth using. 🙂
Not going to lie, I was a little frustrated about not having music on my iPad. Especially at the thought of having to go a whole month without it. But in that frustration I felt God whispering to me, “Kaci, I want to speak to you in new ways. Let go of that distraction. You say you want more of me, I want to give you more.”
Because at that point I really didn’t have an option, I shared with my team that I was going to go this month without music. I was a little bitter about it and I think god knew I would be so he took away the possibility completely. He sure does know me well.
The very next day the wifi started working. Go figure.
But because I had already verbally committed in front of my team to listening to no music, I stood strong and didn’t cave.
The more I thought about it, the more not listening to music for a whole month made sense. I’m not good at just sitting in His presence. “Being still” is not my thing. When it gets awkward (about 15 seconds into my quiet time), I am quick to turn on my music to avoid the silence.
This month though that comfort, that safety net has been taken away. I’ve been forced to embrace the silence.
And it has been amazing.
God is teaching me what it means to just be in his presence and in that I am finding so much freedom!! The pressure for my relationship with god to look a certain way is being lifted. The pressure of always feeling like I have to have something profound to say, some magnificent prayer to pray, or hear from god in a big way, is fading.
He is opening my eyes to how I make following god such a complicated thing. I tend to over think everything and I put so much pressure on myself to be a certain way and do certain things and when it doesn’t look like I think it’s supposed to, I am doing something wrong.
And while all of this is going on, god is just sitting there saying, “hey, can you just come here and be with me? That’s all I want. I want you. Come and be with me.”
So my challenge to you and myself…stop trying so hard.
Stop “trying” to spend more time with god. Stop “trying” to read more of your bible. Stop “trying” to pray these prayers using big fancy words. Stop “trying” to force those big moments to happen.
Let’s just do it. Let’s seek him whole heartedly. That simple.
It puts you in a place of being able to be in the moment, with whoever you’re with, wherever you are. It gives you the freedom to stop being something you’re not. Let go of your expectations you have on god, let go of the expectations you have for yourself, and just be.
The bible tells us to draw near to him and he will draw near to us.
As I read that there is a part of me that is overthinking it as I read it. What the heck does that mean? How am I supposed to draw near to god? What do I have to do? What does that look like? When? Where? Why? How?
But it’s as simple as it reads. Don’t over complicate it.
Draw near to him. Seek his face. And in return, he will draw near to you. Have faith enough to trust that He will.
“I am the goal of all your searching. When you seek me, you find me and are satisfied.” Jesus Calling
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
Thanks for reading my friends! Next up is ASIA!!! Our last continent that we will be traveling to. The one after will be ‘Merica! Our first Asia country is the Philippines! And it is PVT month which means that in less than a month I will be seeing my mom for the first time in over 7 months! I’m stoked for her to come, to see her, and to experience the Philippines with her. Please be praying for all of the parents who will be traveling. For needed finances to come through, for safety as they travel, and for their hearts as well as ours to be prepared for what the Lord is going to do. It’s going to be an amazing week y’all! 🙂 Can’t wait to share about it with you after!
Much love from Mozambique,
Kaci
