God is in the business of people. Not to be blasé or see people as commodities, but God is in the business of people. He is all about the development of individuals. That’s why Christianity is a relationship. He is all about the authenticity of a person’s heart. He is all about people letting it go, raw and real, in order to mend and heal and ultimately move to a place of better dependence on Him. He is all about a person’s testimony not seen as their capacity to sin but as His capacity to save. He is all about their testimony becoming a badge of honor to be proudly worn, for it is by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony that they have overcome. He is all about the growth and the stretching of the individual who wants to be changed and transformed. He is, in my opinion, all about the baby steps that people try to take because it is not always about how fast someone can run when they are attempting to do things they have never done and go to places they have never been.
I am in the business of people. It has taken me (almost) 25 years to be in the business of people like my Father. It has taken me 25 years to be okay with who I am and what I’m doing. I had a lot of doubts about squad leading, a lot of excuses that somehow crept into my mind. Is this what I am supposed to do? Am I supposed to be building something? Creating something? Solving something? Shouldn’t I be making money? Or planning for my future? Or building a resume?
Is this really worth 5 months of my life?
For now I am okay with the difficult conversations that somehow seem to come in groups. I am okay with the unknowing and the necessity to make a decision in situations that are beyond my knowledge and expertise. I am okay with doing ‘behind the scenes’ work. I am okay with the silly jabs that I do not do anything as a squad leader. I am okay with the nights I am awoken to pray for things only God knows. I am okay with lack of personal space and alone time. I am okay with sometimes the feeling of being alone. I am okay with the long travel days, the barely survivable budget, and the constant pull on me to do and pray and teach and sit and listen and speak and work when I do not want to do such a thing for the sake of the people on my squad.
God has entrusted me with His people for this season and for now I am okay with that. In fact, there’s nothing my heart longs for more..
To see them as lovely sons and daughters
To see them as conquerors for the Kingdom
To see the potential the Lord sees in them
To see them go beyond themselves and more into they are created to be
To see mouths speak, lips tremble, and tears flow from encounters with the King
To see reconciliation, restoration, and redemption happen in places they sought to bury away
To see a people radically pursuing the Lover of their soul
Yeah, it’s worth it. All 5 months and the rest of my life.
