I’m sitting here in a coffee shop (typical) struggling to fashion thoughts into words, to transform feelings into tangibility. I struggle with the expression of my heart because words never seem to satisfy what I long to convey. There’s a disconnect between my heart and my fingers. I’m praying for the Spirit to transcend feeble words and move in ways beyond me.
At training camp one of our trainers was asked for one piece of advice. If she could urge one thing, what would that be? Her answer – Choose in. Well what does that mean? She went on to say that if you have a bad day then choose to have a good day. Choose to open up your heart to your teammates. Choose to surrender burdens and chains. Choose in.
A week ago I read a featured blog on the World Race website. It's about a racer’s realization of the plateau he’s standing on. Things that were once foreign to him – living out of a backpack, feedback, being around people 24/7 – have all become normal after four months on the field. His question, ‘What’s more?’ A trainer that was there during his debrief responded, ‘Eventually you have to choose to grow.’
I wrestled with these two stories. Is it all a matter of choice? Can I will myself to have a good day over a bad day? Am I able to grow simply by choosing it? Pre-Training Camp I discovered myself to be in a rut the week leading up to it and had a literal anxiety attack on the way down to camp. I now recognize that more to have been a spiritual attack than anything else. Post-Training Camp I find myself ricocheting between extreme moods and emotions. I’m in limbo– not on the Race and yet yearning for nothing less than the Race, loving my Raleigh community here yet ready for community on the Race, loving people I work with but ready to love people of a different culture. I feel absolutely excited and absolutely lonely at the same time. The thing is I am here in North Carolina if but for a season. I know that He has placed me in a particular place in a particular time for a particular reason. So why are things difficult if I am where I’m supposed to be? I can’t muster optimism out of thin air; I can’t will myself to grow and learn and mature.
As I wrestle with these questions, I slowly realize that He is gently whispering truths, and ten thousand others, to my heart. He has always been speaking truths over me..
I was dead in my trespasses but He made me alive with Christ – Ephesians 2:5
I once was far off and have been brought near by the blood of Christ – Ephesians 2:13
I was once an enemy and He still reconciled me to Himself – Romans 5:10
I am no longer a slave. I am a son – Galatians 4:7
I am holy and beloved – Colossians 3:12
He redeems me and calls me by name. I am His – Isaiah 43:1
He remains faithful even when I am faithless – 2 Timothy 2:13
He pours out grace upon grace – John 1:16
He delights in me – Isaiah 62:4
He gives me joy inexpressible, and He fills me with glory – 1 Peter 1:8
These are promises assured and already given. These are truths declared.
In the confusion about what’s going on, where I need to be, what I need to do, or why I feel this way, I’m reminded that the Lord is constant, steady, everlasting, long suffering, unchanging. In the end, I believe I do have choices, and they become surprisingly easy. It all stems from one choice, from one simple question. Do I choose Him? By all means, YES. And that answer saturates every question thereafter. So I can and do choose good days and vulnerability and growth. I choose these for He has already given me all things; I have inherited every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places – Ephesians 1. They are mine because I choose the Lord, and I must continually choose Him every literal moment of my life.
It’s a trite revelation. But I always need to be reminded of truth.
Does your Yes to Jesus permeate your every decision?
