Hey all! It’s been a while, but here is some background on what our team Crash of Love has been up to. Crash of Love (and the help of Pneuma and Heinini) has been part of a church plant here in Panama. The church building is bare bones. We have worked on painting, the guys built stairs and a back deck, and next we’re hoping to get the bathrooms working. Prior to last week, the church had no members. Our contact, Pastor Jose Moran, is a wonderful, funny old man who loves on all who cross his path. His family has been so generous in housing 3 World Race teams, 21 strangers and feeding us. I believe his wife’s job these past few months have been solely feeding us and cleaning up after us. They’ve been wonderful in sharing their space and ONE bathroom. We had wonderful turnouts our first two nights of service, mainly kids, but it helps to know that often churches start with the youth and eventually their families become curious and begin to join. Each of us paired up with some kids and helped them to find the things on their lists. The kids were so excited to do the activity. We headed back towards the border in search of our items: soda bottles, umbrellas and other random things . I was moved when I saw the boys eagerly searching through dumpsters in pursuit of the items on our list. It was so natural and easy for them to search through others’ trash. We passed many of their friends who were kneeled at mens’ feet, scrubbing and shining shoes for a few cents, unable to come play with us. Again, I felt a tug at my heart as one of the boys ran up to a bus full of tourists pleading for money. All of a sudden this game seemed so pointless. These boys have experienced so much more than I ever have, and here I am naively playing this game with them that I thought would make a difference. Traci came out and sat by me and began showing pictures of an “EvangeCube” one of our contacts had given us. Following the pictures, it tells the story of the Gospel, and I am so thankful Traci asked me to translate and be a part of the process, because it was exactly what I needed at the time. The children quickly gathered around the pictures, asking questions and listening as I best tried to describe it in a foreign language. The night then began to take a beautiful twist. I was reminded that God also feels for these children. He weeps for them and shares in their sorrows and pains. He is a God who provides, who offers love and most importantly a hope. While it was a hard explanation to accept at first, as I let it settle, I realized these things are true. While these children might experience pain here on earth, they have the opportunity for a hope in an eternal life free from all of it. I am beginning to realize God is breaking my heart for these children. He has moved me in reading about these situations in books, and now He has put me in this situation, leaving me broken for the children I’m interacting with. Here, all I can do is be obedient to God’s will in my life. I need to have faith and trust in Him. I need to remember not to get discouraged to the point I feel useless, because our God is bigger than that, He can move mountains, and most importantly, He knows exactly how I feel and feels the same way. I thank God that He used Traci to help me share the Gospel today to those children who sat so interested in the story we were sharing. He showed me this is what I am meant to be doing, sharing His love, offering an opportunity to hear of the love and hope he offers.
Anyhow, today we had planned a scavenger hunt for our kiddos. Some of our boys were missing, so Traci, Stephani and I decided to go search for them. Our church is located only blocks from the border to Costa Rica and we have seen many of our boys up at the border asking tourists for money or shining shoes. Sure enough, we found one of our boys and he ran to us with so much excitement. So excited in fact, that he began recruiting some of his friends to come back to the church with us. On our way back, he used the little money he had, ran into a store and came out with popsicles for each of us. It was so touching that he wanted to use the little bit he had to give to us. Reminds me of what we are supposed to do as Christians.
Returning to the church, I sit with a young mother of 5 with one on the way. Her son, a little over 1 year old sat screaming for an hour. He and his sister had clearly not bathed in a while and the mother explained to us he was crying out of hunger. Inside, a drunk mother sat passed out in her chair with her son right beside her. I tried to talk to her, asking her name, but she was not making sense. Outside again, one of our sweet boys was walking after his father, desiring to be with him, yet his father turns around, yells at him not to follow. After much persistence from the boy, the father picks up a stick and threatens once again not to follow. He watched his father leave standing there in tears. My heart was breaking all around me. Is this the reality I have been sheltered from in the States? Is this the “typical” life so many experience that I have just been so blessed to have been protected from? I sat on the stairs trying to process it all.
We headed back home and I just felt drained from the day. I had no idea what to do next, what to make of the situations I had just witnessed. Thank goodness for community and feedback in times like these. I began to share what I felt today. The things I saw the children doing and how it made me really sad. As soon as I began, I began crying. I had become so overwhelmed with sadness for these children. They do not get to experience the love and security that I was blessed with growing up. They were taking care of their parents and fending for themselves at just eight years old. They experienced hunger and pain and abandonment. And there are so many children, what can I do?
I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I am about to experience these next several months. While it will be hard, I hope it will stir my soul in a way that makes me act and also others around me as a result. He has answered my prayers in that I would be moved this year. Perhaps a dangerous prayer, but I believe it will bring so many great things to come.
