For every hundred world race blogs talking about amazing mountain top experiences theres one that ventures into what the race looks like most days…or what the race looks like on hard days.
Month four in Laos…seems legit right? Don’t know much about the country and how many people can say they have been to Laos? Walking into the unknown yet again …(it happens pretty much everyday). Great. Exciting. Lets do it.
Just a few days before coming to Laos Papa extended an invitation to me. He offered me something that isn’t yet defined and something I’m not yet certain of. He asked if id give up communicating in any personal way to back in the states…so, no messaging, no texting, no snapchat, no direct social media commenting – for the month. He offered for me to come away with Him …give up the comfort of talking to people who know me deeper than my teammates and trust that He’s got His reasons.
So I handed it over to Him and said that yes, I do want what you have.
Anyone can do anything for one month right?….Sure.
We’ve been in Pakse, Laos for a week. Our ministry is Unsong Heroes so we don’t have a contact or set ministry – instead we find the ministries and the people doing Kingdom here that go without recognition and we get to love and encourage them.
Cool, Right?
This month became considerably more real when we realized that Pakse is a glorified ghost town and that since Laos is a closed country, ministries aren’t easy to come across…let alone connect with.
This month is unique because we get to basically decide how each day looks…decide what we do, how and when we do it. Which is awesome, don’t get me wrong. Its just providing us a lot of time to think and dig deeper than we’ve had time to for the first three months.
Papa is saying things and moving in places – its really good!
So heres my daily hard moments…Its hard not to talk to anyone back home. I miss everyone. Id been able to keep in touch with a fair amount of loved ones back home and it was always just awesome to hear about their lives and their worlds and stay connected. To hear about their days. It made me feel not so far from home. The ability to text an inside joke as I thought of it and have a moment where we connect and go back to a memory. All of that is good.
But there is a reason for Papas invitation. And of course He knew that our pace would be slower this month…that we would have more time and that our hostel would have wifi but that it would be irrelevant to me …(He loves offering us the freedom to decide to follow everyday). So I asked “Why did you invite me to this? Whats your master plan here?”
(Dang..this blog might be long haha sorry)
He led me down a whole bunny trail but here is hopefully just the essence of it.
My spirit was finally able to admit that it had been dry since launch. I was kinda pissed because of the all too common ‘mountain top’ experience that the race is hyped to be…this life changing journey that I want.
My heart just cried out “Am I missing it?”
And to be honest I think spiritually dry seasons are just a churchy phrase to cover up us not living in the reality and fullness of the finished work.
So Lord … talk to me.
“When you learn to be open then you won’t be dry.
You wouldn’t open up otherwise … Because you can only overflow in love in true vulnerability once you’ve been vulnerable… You will flow out of the fullness when you let yourself break and learn to bounce between open and overflow.
You know you can be real with me so now listen when I say be real with others and trust that there is a reason.
You are used to burning but I’m only going to allow you to burn again once you open not only to me but to others”
“If you go the entire 11 months dry…why would that mean you’ve missed it?”
Im not concerned with being dry…I know who my Dad is and thats not contingent on my feelings, emotions, or lack of the connection with Him that I’m used to.
He just knows me and He’s willing to let me live in faith of who He is when Im not always excited about it because He’s got more for me. So heres the funny connection for this month… Im dry and have been for a while and its not the funnest, I’m realizing how far I am from home (miles and time), We are in a ghost town this month, Ive willingly given up the comfort of communication with all of you, my only option has become to share what I’m thinking, feeling and going through with my team because they are the only people I have, Papa has challenged me to be open and He’s totally set me up.
I laugh at it cause its funny…its crafty. He knew every detail of this month when He invited me to this and knew that id be a week into this month wishing I could text my sister or my friends …(even worse is that knowing I could since we have wifi haha )…Ive laid in bed at night just wanting to know how your day has been and I have to decide every day not to ask because I believe that what Papa has is worth it.
Its been obnoxious.
