“Are you really going to make me wait nine months God?”
There is a pretty big time gap between when I graduated college and the Launch date for the WR, or at least according to my standards. Of course, I wanted to figure out where I would live and find a job of some sorts to start paying off debt and such – That wasn’t the only stuff on the Lords radar (Thank God!)
Let me share with you what He has spoken about doing in these nine months, two words really: Freedom & Healing.
When I realized the ways He wanted to transform my heart and mind before leaving, I had a light bulb go off. How much more powerful is it to pray freedom and healing over another when the King of Kings has personally escorted you along those roads and given you the royal tour? I started thinking about my team and those we would minister and serve and my heart started to align with the Lord’s. “Yes! Let’s get dirty with redemption and the blood of the Lamb!” I walked crippled due to unknown identity for years. The thing about salvation is that you don’t have to wait to start living in God’s finished work of your life- Its available now. (Something I’m just starting to grasp and dig my fingers into). The price has been paid and I’ve given up all rights to my past: All hurt, pain, wounds, false identity, brokenness is drenched in the blood of Jesus and I now walk and live and move out of the Kingdom identity I’ve had since birth- the one that was formed in the heart of my Father.
These nine months are like the “training days” of living out of that revelation. The Lord has given me blueprints if you will, showing me what that actually looks like in the day to day and what pursuing my Kingdom identity looks like.
You’ve heard me mention the mess of my past, what brokenness of generations looked like while it manifested in my childhood. Holy Spirit, through grace, is ushering me into a place of not only forgiveness but blessing and intercession for my mother, which blows my mind because just 6 months ago the thought of blessing her made me physically cringe. As I understand more and more of what my Father did for me and His love for me, it hurts to think of my mom as anything less than His prized daughter- one that He longs after. Oh man the grace of the cross and what that day means is powerful – I’ve let go of my right to be offended because I’ve been accepted by the King of Kings and my Daddy! If anyone had the right to be offended it was Jesus, that day on the cross He was beaten to the point of unrecognition and instead He cried out forgiveness!
Needless to say, my perspective of the nine months has changed to this: “Whoa! Thank you Jesus, I get to spend months in the depths of your presence being overcome with love and seeking after transformation. When I wasn’t even asking for freedom, you gave it as a gift – how much more is there now that I’m asking for it and running into the arms of the one who made freedom possible! You softened a heart that was ice cold and have allowed me to now see my ‘offenders’ only through the blood and only within the context of grace – all without me even realizing it!”
You might wonder as to how I could arrive at that place and have no idea how I had gotten there…well let me try and explain with a picture. Seek first the Kingdom: picture yourself standing hand in hand facing Jesus …He is smiling adoringly at you with eyes that burn with the fire of Holy Spirit and a face that radiates the glory of the Father. You become lost in His eyes and the love you feel burning in your heart and without really realizing, He gently begins to dance with you, very slowly at first but as you both become more and more raptured in the glory, you pick up speed. It’s a dance of purpose and praise because you know who your partner is and what He has done. Then, still smiling, He says “Look around”. You drop one of His hands while still firmly maintain holding the other and take a turn, noticing you are in a completely new place. Through His leading and your focus on His presence, He had ushered you into a new place, a place of more … and all you did was gaze into the eyes of Love. Everything changes when you Seek first the Kingdom.
