Well we lived in Cleveland for 3 years and moved quite a few times while there and then I got the news my parents were wanting to move further north to Kingsport, TN. This is not the news a teenager wanted to hear….moving again…starting over again….having to make new friends….again. I was so angry and didn’t understand why we had to leave and move somewhere else. Why couldn’t we just stay put where we were?
We got situated in Kingsport and I began school and remember how fearful I was on the first day. What will people think of me? Do I even look cool enough? Will I fit in?
Before I knew it, I had new friends and starting to build new relationships with people. This is also when my relationship with God started to fade. I no longer really had the community of youth around who were on fire for the Lord.
I felt like I couldn’t relate to anyone really and nobody would understand me.
High School began and I wasn’t in the prep crowd or any of the other crowds. I was just Julie who liked to talk to just about every person…no matter what you looked like, talked like or what crowd you were associated with…I didn’t care. I played sports- basketball, volleyball, track and was in the band. Most of the time in sports I probably cheered more than played though. Lol This is where some of my feelings of “not being good enough” started.
I was really good at marching band and played the flute. I remember not a lot of people even knew I was in the band because I would pull the hat down so low and hide. I auditioned for drum major 2 years, but didn’t get the part. We would have chair competitions and I remember going in and literally shaking with nervousness and completely messed up, but didn’t care because I was over it.
I began hanging out with friends and had gotten myself into doing things I wouldn’t have ever considered before because I knew they were wrong. I didn’t care though….I just wanted to fit in and feel like I was good enough, be accepted and feel loved.
This is when my self-destructiveness began and spiraled downhill out of rebellion.
Before I know it…high school was over and now I’m beginning college…..
To Be Continued…
Part III- 8/23/2014
Part IV- 8/24/2014
