“True faith manifests itself through our actions.” Francis Chan
We’ve finally done it…. we’ve reached the halfway point of the World Race…(insert excitement and sarcasm)
And I’ve reached the point where I’ve hit a wall.
You know how runners talk about hitting a wall? They start out with such adrenaline rushing through their bodies’…heart’s pumping, blood rushing and they are on this high and feel like they can go on and on. Then they reach a point where their lungs begin to feel like they are on fire, legs cramping, feet throbbing and you have the choice to either continue running and finish the race well…or quit.
Running requires endurance and perseverance.
I’ve always been great at running…not the athletic kind though. I honestly hate running…. I find it boring and would rather be walking, hiking or riding a bike. I’ve always tried to run away from my problems and struggles in the past. I’ve run away from God. I’ve run away from people who loved me the most. If you’ve seen the Runaway Bride…I can relate to Julia Roberts…. I’ve always had on my running shoes ready to escape.
I feel like going on the World Race started out as such an adrenaline rush. I remember the high I felt when I had the interview and then the call I received telling me they’d love for me to be apart of this incredible journey. I remember the rush of preparing for Training Camp back in October and how excited I was to finally be meeting all these cray-cray people I call family! The rush still continued as I began getting ready to quit my job at Vanderbilt and realize this was legit. I’m really doing this and this isn’t just a dream anymore…it’s becoming my reality.
Launch arrived and off we go to South Africa, Swaziland, India, Nepal, and Thailand and now here I sit in Cambodia…about to be leaving for Vietnam and I’ve lost the adrenaline and the high. I’ve been running and running for months…I’ve reached the place where I’m exhausted, sick of community, miss being independent, questioning what am I really doing, finding myself missing Africa, drifting in thoughts of the future after the race, wondering if this is what other racers experience and talk about, and finding myself wanting to run away.
The problem is….I have nowhere to run.
I could if I really wanted to hop on a plane and call it quits, but is that really what God has planned for me coming on this race? No! I refuse to just give up and do what I do best…. run. Instead, I’m going to run straight toward God with all of these feelings and struggles I’m dealing with right now and allow Him to teach me more about endurance and perseverance. I want to be transformed and for Him to continue changing my heart to look more like His…. I want to grow and not be stagnant or stationary. This is brokenness and finally experiencing what I’ve been asking Him to give me. I WANT to be broken because with brokenness comes change.
Each month He preps me for the upcoming month and He spoke to me how this month would be a month of relying on Him. The first week of this month I was in the hospital with gastroenteritis (stomach bug- got food poisoning) and dehydration. I was like, “ok God, I get it this is what you meant by relying on you.” Little did I know He didn’t just mean that one particular instance…this month has been a huge struggle emotionally for me and I’ve had no choice but to rely completely on Him.
He’s teaching me more about patience and what it truly means to rest in Him until the storm passes. He’s teaching me about endurance and how when there are days I don’t want to do anything at all…He encourages me to simply meet Him and allow His strength to shine through my weakness.
I know I’m halfway through this race and choose to endure the fight and persevere to the very end because God has called me here at this exact time. I’m not quitting because the adrenaline has faded; I’m finishing this race well for Him.
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.” Hebrews 10:36
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7
