Last year at this time I was in a little bit of a waiting period. I had just finished training camp and was at home awaiting the launch for my race. It was kind of an awkward waiting period because all my friends were heading to college and there I was, low key freaking out about the change that was ahead.
Here I am, a year later, and I’m finding myself in a similar waiting period. I’m not going anywhere (at least for right now) but again, my friends are starting to go back to college, and here I am, awaiting my new season of life to begin here at home. The only difference: this time, I’m not freaking out about the change, I’m longing for it.
What does this “new season” consist of? Well thanks for asking:)
I am starting online classes at the end of August and I’m actually super excited. Yep, you read that right! For those of you that know me, you are might be in shock for two reasons. One, I just said I’m going back to school and two, I’m excited for it!
From going from the girl who has been anti college (or anything school related for that matter) for so long to the girl who is dedicating two(ish) years of her life to furthering her education; this is a big step for me.
To be more specific, I’ll be taking classes to get my Associates Degree in Christian Ministries at Ohio Christian University with a concentration in Pastoral Ministry. The overall goal in getting this degree is to pursue something in youth ministry. I don’t know specifics regarding what my involvement in youth ministry will look like but I have a lot of peace about moving forward in this.
Over this year the Lord has shown me in so many different ways that this is what I’m passionate about. I love spending time with youth, I love walking along side of them as they go through this stage of life, and I love love love seeing them eagerly learn more about the Lord and seek Him in all they do.
I’m going to shift gears a little bit here but I promise, when I’m done my subject change will all make sense:)
Since being home I have felt lost. I never thought I could feel lost and out of place in the place I call home. Before I left, I always seemed to fit in, whether that was in school, at church, in sports, or anything else; I always felt like I had a place. Coming home I thought that because it was summer, everything would just be the same and what I remembered. And everything was the same; except me. Shortly after coming home, one of my teammates explained it to me as this: Lancaster is a big square hole and I’m a small circle block (just picture the kid’s toy where you put the blocks in the matching holes). Yeah, I fit in the square but it doesn’t feel right or the same as I remembered it to. And because I fit in the square but don’t look the same I had two options. I could allow life here to form me back into that square hole or, I could remember all that this year has taught me and walk in all that the Lord has taught me over this year and stay the circle block in that square hole.
That might seem/sound a little strange but that image has stuck with me. Whenever I don’t “fit” in a place where I used to I have to remind myself that that’s okay. Just because I don’t fit in certain places like I used too doesn’t mean I can’t still invest in those areas. It means I have the opportunity to bring new things to those areas.
I share this because one of those areas I have felt lost or out of place is in my leadership role with our junior high. It’s nothing that anyone else has done, it’s 100% how I have viewed it. Let’s be real, when I was gone, life didn’t just pause and wait for me to come home. It continued on. People filled my places and invested in the lives of these teens who I have come to love and instead of being excited about that, I struggled with it. Was that right? Not at all. But, I’m just being honest; it was hard.
When I got home, this was an area that I expected to be exactly the same as I remembered. Don’t get me wrong, I was welcomed back and loved so well by everyone in our junior high, students and leaders. But for some reason, it’s still be something I’ve wrestled with all summer.
So how does this connect with what I shared earlier in this blog? Right, I’ll stop rambling now and get to that.
This past week and a half I helped at Roxbury Camp with the Junior High. Going into the week I was excited because these are my people! I didn’t know any of the students but that didn’t matter, I was pumped to be with this group of students all week. As the week went on, I was exhausted. I was ready to bail and go home early but that’s when the Lord refueled me and gave me what I needed to keep going. He continuously reminded me of the passion that He has given me for youth and showed me why He has me pursuing this path.
Towards the end of the week I got what I think to be a rough combination of post parasite pill sickness + chikungunya body ache + exhaustion. I don’t know how much of that is really what was happening but, that sort of gives you an idea of how I was feeling. It wasn’t fun and again, I wanted to just go home. But, the Lord wasn’t finished using me at this camp. He again revealed the heart He had given me for these students. I might not have felt like doing anything but because of the joy that these people gave me, He gave me every ounce of what I needed to keep going.
Through this camp, the Lord reminded me that this is where He wants me, and that no matter what trial comes my way throughout this journey, He will never leave my side. He will always give me what I need to keep going. He will continue to show me why He has brought to the place that I am. He will love me through the bad days. And He will give me joy and life when I need it most. He is and always will be my good, good Father.
As things continue to come my way, these words from Matt Maher’s song “Because He Lives”, overwhelm me with peace.
I know He holds my life, my future in His hands.
So, if I totally failed at connecting all of that and it made no sense at all, here’s a one sentence summary of what I was trying to say: I’m actually super eager and ready for the change ahead, I’m “going” to college and pursuing this passion for youth that the Lord has placed on my heart, and… I’M SO EXCITED!
Thanks for reading and for loving me so well.
