“Do you trust Me?”
This is a question that God has been asking me a lot lately. Over and over I get listening prayers telling me to trust Him and trust that He will keep me safe. I’ve always known that to trust God fully doesn’t mean I get to pick and choose when I trust Him, and yet it is still challenging at times. It’s hard to surrender any and all control I have on my life to God and allow Him to work things out according to His plan. He has it all under control. I need to let go and follow His lead.
Earlier this week, my team and the other team (Team Dauntless) that we’re living with read up on some of what has been going on with ISIS and I was filled with fear almost immediately after reading it. We decided as a group that we were going to spend our night in worship and prayer for the world. During that time I sat with one of my teammates and word vomited everything that I was feeling. About a year ago I really got interested in learning more about the persecuted church and what all that looked like and the more and more I would research it, the more my heart broke for those people. But, it also gave me a respect for them because one article said that they wouldn’t ask God to stop the persecution but instead they asked Him for the strength to withstand it. When I heard about all of the threats to Americans traveling out of the US my mind immediately went to the stories I had read about. The feelings of my flesh started to take over. So many questions went through my head. Are we becoming the persecuted church? Do I have what it takes to withstand all of that? God keeps saying through listening prayers that darkness is coming; what does that look like? Am I a “bad Christian” for thinking all of these things? What’s going to happen when we leave El Salvador and go to Africa? So many unknowns; so much fear. I made this statement, “I’m a human, and I’m allowed to be scared. But, I know that fear is not of the Lord so I shouldn’t walk in that” and after I said heard myself say that I knew. I knew Jesus was telling me what I had been hearing for a while now. “Don’t worry. I have everything under control. Stay close to Me. Trust me.” I have chosen to make the daily choice to trust God in all things. I’m not perfect and just because I make that choice doesn’t mean I won’t slip up multiple times in a day, but it does mean that I will make the commitment each day to surrender myself and my control and trust it all to God. I am grateful for the mercy and grace He shows me even when I’m undeserving of it.
God doesn’t want me to worry or to live in fear. He doesn’t want me to get caught up in the things of this world. He wants me to keep my eyes on Him. He wants me to pursue Him with all that I am and walk in the truths He speaks over me. He wants me to rely on Him for everything that I need and talk to Him about anything and everything going on in my life. He is my best friend, my Father, my Comforter, my Protector. I am His adored one, His sweet girl, His beloved, His favorite. He loves me with such a sweet love, and He longs for me to trust Him fully because He truly has what’s best for me.
In these last few days it has been amazing to see that when I make that decision to trust Him how He takes my fear away. I haven’t felt that overwhelming sense of fear I felt previously. I have felt a burden lifted off my shoulders. I am no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God. He drowns my fear in perfect love. Every day I remind myself that God has everything under control and that I need to stay close to Him. I’m thankful for my Father’s arms that hold me tight.
Philippians 4: 6-7
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
UPDATE: It’s hard to believe that we are in our last week and a half here in El Salvador. I am almost 1/3 of the way done. WHAT?! So crazy. It’s gone by so fast. We will leave our ministry site on December 3, have a mini debrief with our whole squad in San Salvador, and then start our travel to Malawi on December 6. It is three days of travel so we will arrive in Africa on December 9.
Prayer Requests:
For my heart as well as the hearts of everyone else on my squad as we have to say our goodbyes to the place we have called home for the past three months. It’s amazing how quickly a place can become home. The people here have made us feel so welcome and it’s going to be hard to leave them.
That we would begin to prepare our hearts spiritually for our time in Africa.
For my health; I got chikungunya a few days ago and am still working at fighting that off. Chikungunya is best described as the flu plus joint pain. Some of my symptoms were fever, nausea, headache/pain behind my eyes, back pain, my knees and shoulders ache, and fatigue. I am feeling a lot better today so I’m headed in the right direction!
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving yesterday! God has blessed me with so much and a support system through this journey is just one of the many things. Thank you for your continued prayer and support, I couldn’t do this without each one of you!
Blessings,
Julie
