I was first introduced to this term “upside down kingdom” this past week when my youth group went to Birmingham, Alabama. I wasn’t totally sure what it meant and to be totally honest, I still might not even have the right understanding of it. I might have taken something totally different from it then what they intended but hey, God works in crazy ways and I’ve been learning that we just gotta step back and let Him lead and all we need to do is follow. I say that like it’s a super easy thing to do; just drop everything in that moment and follow God. I’m going to be honest, it’s not easy. Maybe it’s just me but it’s not easy for me to even wrap my mind around the thought of leaving my family, leaving my friends, leaving my bed and the comforts of my home, and everything else I’ve grown up with for the past 18 years. But, “plot twist”, this is exactly what I’m doing in about 6 weeks. I am leaving my family, my friends, and all of my comforts of home. And I am scared. There are so many unknowns and leaving the comforts of what I’ve always known, that’s scary. But I will always remember the quote that says “Don’t be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God”. This is such a powerful quote and it has gotten me through some of the times so far in this journey where I just want to totally freak out because of my lack of control in the situation. But, God has everything under control and trust is a huge piece in it.
Now please don’t hear what I’m not saying; I am not saying this to make it sound like I have this crazy adventure called life all figured out. I don’t have it all together and I can be an emotional mess a lot of the time (no really… just ask any one that was in Alabama this past week with me; I am nowhere near perfect). But I do know that we serve a God that can take our dirt and imperfections and make something beautiful out of them.
One thing I took away from this week was when I was told to specifically check out one of our morning devotions where it talked about the costs and gains of following Christ. Out of the three verses that were listed the one that stuck out and hit me most was Matthew 10:37-39; “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mind. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” The timing of being lead towards this devotional was what blew me away most. I woke up that morning just really out of it and really missing home; especially my family. Now I normally don’t get homesick on our week missions trips but I knew what was waiting at the end of the week for me. My training starts today so I won’t actually be home until August 4. So in the midst of my morning meltdown and just really dragging that day, I came back and read these verses. They hit hard because I think that day I put my family above God because I was missing them. So these verses just really were a reminder that I am to love God with all that I am and He is the one that blessed me with the earthly family that I have so He should always be above them. I love my family so much and I’m so blessed to have a family that is close and encouraging. The overall thing that I was reminded of that day and what I really took from it was that there are so many costs to following Christ, and missing family is just one of them. If there is one thing that was said this week that I am holding tight and remembering during this next step of my life it’s that the gains of following Christ are so worth each one of the costs. So all the hard, emotional, stressful times, it is all worth it because following Christ is so rewarding.
Going into training and the full trip I have fear. It’s probably enough fear that I could share some with a couple other people and it would still be too much. I go in waves of excitement and fear; and they come and go depending on what I’m doing and that kind of thing. It has been such a blessing to be surrounded by people that give me a safe place to express the emotions and feelings that come along with these costs and it has helped so much to not have to hold them in. The leaders that truly listen, have really taught me what it looks like to have a deep relationship with Jesus, and have poured into my life not only this past week but the past 6 years of my time in youth group have really left a lifelong impact on me. The verse from 2 Timothy 1:7 was shared with me today and it says, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This verse has been on repeat in my head all day. I have the power of the Holy Spirit within me and with that, I have nothing to fear. Such a great reminder during this journey. It is so hard to comprehend and wrap my mind around the fact that my time in the youth group have come to an end but at the same time, I know that God is going to continue to use that group of teens and leaders in incredible ways and I am forever grateful to have been a part of such an amazing group.
So here I am. I’ve been sitting in a Panera Bread in Gainesville, Georgia since 7 am this morning with no one that I know. Let me just say, if you’re ever wondering if you’re a people person/extrovert, go sit in a restaurant alone for hours at a time and if it drives you totally insane like it has me; you are a total people person and extrovert. But it has been cool because I have been nervous about meeting my team members and I still am a little but sitting here in the restaurant all day has really made me more excited to meet these people that are wanting to meet me just as bad. This has also given me the time to think. A lot. To think of all the unknowns that scare me, to think of all the people I’m going to meet in a few hours, to think about and remember all the times I’ve had with the youth group over the past 6 years, and everything else in between. Now for me, this probably isn’t the best to give me this much time to think but it has surprisingly been good. It has been a nice break to kind of just escape from a group setting and take some time to sort out my thoughts from the past week as well as the upcoming 10 days.
Thank you for all of you that have called, Face Timed, or texted me today. It really has helped the time pass. Thank you for all the prayers and encouraging words. And I would like to just ask for prayer for the rest of the traveling that is being done today for everyone getting to training to go well, as well as the youth group that is heading back from Alabama. Please be praying for our training. That we would be well prepared spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally throughout this time. Thank you all so much for following my messy thoughts during this journey and please know how much you all mean to me. God is faithful and He is watching over me no matter where I am.
**A quick fundraiser update: I have reach $10,305 and I am still working at reaching my goal of $12,491. Keep your eye out for an upcoming sub sale to help with the rest of this cost. God will provide all in His timing.**
