Sorry it has taken me so long between blogs. I've been processing a lot and I'm struggling to find the words to express what I am feeling and what I've seen. There have been many moments in the past two months where I wish that my words would be adequate enough to explain to everyone what this experience has been like. However, every time I come to try and get those thoughts down on paper I come up empty.
Last month we worked at the Thembeni Care Point near Manzini, Swaziland. There isn't much to say for what we experienced there. I can't find the words. In many ways I feel the enemy had dulled me from truly feeling what I should have felt. I mean, I felt sorrow for the children that had come to our Care Point and I developed relationships with some of the children. They called me Jabu which in Saswati means happy but I didn't feel happy. Most of the month I felt withdrawn and apathetic. It breaks my heart to think that I missed the most significant ministry moments because I was either of those things.
I think that cruel reality pushed me into a spiritual depression of sorts. Everywhere around me I saw children literally on the verge of starvation. They come here to the Care Point to get perhaps the only meal that they will eat for the day. And they often times walk for several hours just to get it. Many children area at the point where they will steal food from us because of how hungry they are. It makes me angry. Not so much at them taking food, but the fact that they are at the point where stealing is the only solution to appease the hunger in their little bellies. I have a new perspective on food, hunger, and using everything to the fullest. I never again want to waste even the smallest bit of food because there literally ARE children in Africa who are starving.
I am coming to terms with these thoughts and emotions, but I know that to fully process what I've seen and experienced will take longer, if not the rest of my life to think on. I just hope that in these struggles with the realities of our fallen world, I will take what I have seen to bring justice and hope to the world through Jesus.
