Kenyan Redemption

Ahh! How did I get so behind in blogging?! My apologies to my subscribers for this huge lapse in blogs for the last month and a half. This is my second to last blog for Kenya #2, and then Thailand blogs are on their way!

As many of you know, my team was supposed to spend Month 8 in Uganda, our last African country; however, due to the Ebola virus outbreak uncertainty, the all-female teams stayed in Kenya for a second month. Most teams remained at their previous ministry sites, but there were a few changes. My new team, Missy’s women (Missy H., Amanda F., and me) and Hugh’s women (Jill S., Hosanna S., Jo Linda S., and Naomi A.), were at Pastor Ayub and Ruth Kayo’s home to continue working with Deliverance Church Favourland in Nakuru.

During the transition time between Month 7 and Month 8, it was announced that Kate Kovach’s team (Amani Warriors) would be joining us at the Kayo’s small, 3-bedroom home for Month 8 ministry. My initial reaction to the situation was not exactly one of joy and excitement, because unfortunately, I had previous “baggage” with some of the women on that team from the first five months of The Race. Amanda Fackler and I had been on a team with five of their six women in Months 4 and 5 (Romania and Ukraine) as Team Majestic Summit: Kate K., Misty C., Katie W., Rose H., Emily S., Amanda F., and I.

At the end of Month 5 (Ukraine), Amanda and I were told we were being moved to Missy Hollinger’s team with Nathan Hatton, Dan Loghry, and Chase Glantz. To be honest, we were super stoked for the team change because our time with Majestic Summit had been a very difficult season in community. Due to the numerous issues and offenses that had piled up within Team Majestic Summit, we had an 8.5-hour Debrief amongst the seven of us at our ministry site in Ivankiv, Ukraine. Everyone pretty much vomited all their personal and team “junk” for 8 and a half hours. I was able to put all my offenses on the table, be vulnerable about judgments, and apologize for my part in the problems; however, I didn’t have to work at sustaining any of the broken relationships or seek out redemption, because I was leaving the team at the end of the week. It was an easy way out from all the issues.

Well, back to the news of Kate’s team joining us for Month 8 ministry in Nakuru, Kenya. My initial thought was, “No way. I can’t believe that whole team is going to be living five feet away from me in this small house, and I am doing ministry with them for the whole month. Seriously, God?” As the first week went by, I chose to ignore some of the women on Team Amani Warriors instead of pursue their hearts and seek out redemption. In my mind, I didn’t really think it was worth it. Man, was I operating out of a broken place.  As week two rolled around, I missed a week and a half of ministry due to constant peri-orbital headaches that I have never experienced in my life. I laid in bed for most of that time in a spirit of defeat and frustration; it allowed me to forget about the women of Team Amani Warriors. (Africa did not treat me well health-wise. I was in bed for six out of our twelve weeks in Africa). During these first two weeks, God started slowly putting it on my heart to seek out redemption and not waste the gift of being in such close proximity with these women.

God asked me in week three, “Are you going to use this last week to mend these relationships and humble yourself?” My response was, “Alright, God. I see the beauty of the redemption you want for me, and I am finally willing to submit to it.” It wasn’t easy, but I spent that last week apologizing for not pursuing their hearts after leaving them in Month 5. I admitted that I tried to ignore the initial redemption that was sparked by our 8.5-hour Debrief. It was easy to tell them how they offended me, talk about my offenses towards them, and be open about my heart posture, but then “peace out” five days later and join my new team. I realized that if I wasn’t going to pursue and sustain relationship and unconditionally love them after discussing difficulties and offenses, then what is the point of speaking harsh truth and being vulnerable?

Man, God is so good. Although my time apart from my former team was necessary and good, I tried to ignore how He wanted me to tend to their hearts, so he intervened three months later and had me live with them for another month. He continually teaches me over and over about the beauty of relationship and why it is worthy to be fought for. At the end of the month, I witnessed how conflict breeds intimacy and all of my squadmates are worth pursuing regardless of personality differences and differing perspectives. Thank you to the women of the former Team Amani Warriors who so graciously accepted my apologies and made me feel loved and respected. You all so beautifully love me in all my mess.