This blog describes my quest within my Race.
(Credit: Robin Brooks)
I knew something was off during Month 1 of The Race (Guatemala). My heart wasn’t in ministry, I wasn’t enjoying living in community, I wasn’t diligently pursuing my walk with the Lord, and I wasn’t seeking out opportunities to build relationships. Did I intentionally do all these things? Absolutely not, but when you are running on almost empty and your cup is broken, it makes it a bit difficult to pour into others and receive the love of others. It became very clear to me that one word to epitomize The World Race is “love.” However, I didn’t know how to give it or receive it. I kept pondering throughout Guatemala, “Lord, why did you call me to this?” “I know you have me here for a reason, but I don’t feel adequate.” “Lord, why don’t I like the unique ministry opportunities we participate in?” Well, I was blue in the face and needed oxygen. I was trying to pour out when there was nothing to give. I needed to allow the Lord to fill me back up and learn how to rest in Him.
Friday Family Night at Casa Verde Radio Impacto
During Month 2 of The Race (El Salvador), our ministry schedule was a bit unorganized, and we had a very young ministry contact. Our teams had to challenge ourselves to use the down-times wisely. For me, I continued to ask the Lord to help “fix” whatever wasn’t right in my heart that was preventing me from getting the most out of The Race. I knew there was a disconnect from my head to my heart, but I couldn’t “figure out” how to connect the two. The Lord answered my prayers and used a couple of my squadmates to pour life into me and convict me of how I was living out my Race. The big take-home messages from my squadmates were the following:
Julie, you are standing in the middle of a huge, dry, barren desert.
Just stand there, open up your hands, and let the Lord’s love rain down on you.
Julie, the Lord has so much good change in store for you this year.
Do not be afraid of it, and know that you will not go back to the way you were.
Heading out for a prayer walk in the community
Month 2 was when I finally had the issues right in front of my face, but I was still frustrated because I couldn’t “figure out” what to do and not do. (Spiritual growth and digging in isn’t easy).
Performing a drama at a rural community
At the beginning of Month 3 of The Race (Honduras), I was told by a squadmate that it is raining, but I put my umbrella up. It is like I instinctually put it up and didn’t know how to pull it down. At Month 2 Debrief, the Lord revealed to me that there is still a string that needs to be cut in order for full healing to occur … it is seeking out forgiveness of a family member and praying for mended family relationships. Also, the Lord keeps reminding me to pursue resting in Him and his ever abounding love.
It is nearing the end of March, and finally, I know the process has begun. I can’t wait to see His love overflowing out of me. One of my squadmates reminded me during Month 3 that if the Holy Spirit is in us, then we are more than adequate. Duh! How easy it can be to forget such a statement.
I ask myself these days, "Will I be just another humanitarian,
or will I let the Lord’s love pour out of me while on The Race?"
Spending time at an elderly home in Guatemala
