Before the race, and even the beginning of the race, I was living in fear. It's so hard to admit that, but it's true. It's a miracle that I applied and actually came on a trip like this. My life revolved around what I was fearful of. Fear of what people thought of me, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, fear of dreaming big, fear of new things, fear of losing relationships, fear of speaking in front of people, fear of asking God for more of him, fear of so many different things. I didn't even realize fear was such a huge part of my life until recently.
These past 7 months or so have totally opened my eyes and mind. Fear has been holding me back, it has been keeping me from going deeper with God, it has kept me from letting people close into my life, it has kept me from sharing the things on my heart, it has kept me from following my dreams, it has kept me from being who God created me to be and from all the good things he has waiting for me. This year I have had to face more fears than I could even begin to tell you. Spiritual, emotional, physical- the whole shabang. Lots and lots and lots of times of being awkward and uncomfortable…super uncomfortable. But time and time again when I face one of these fears, God shows up. He is always right beside me, helping me get through them. My team is reading 'Forgotton God' right now and at one point Francis Chan talks about how the Holy Spirit is going to mold us into the person we were created to be and that often is painful and uncomfortable and it strips us of things like fear. That's what this year has been about. Stripping of the junk and mess in my life that is not from God that needs to be trashed and replaced with things so much better, things from God that are beautiful.
I have faced a lot of my fears in the past months but now I'm choosing to give them to God and get rid of them for good instead of waiting around for another one to come up and just getting by. I am choosing to stand in confidence in who I am. I am choosing to be BOLD and FEARLESS in my actions and in my thoughts.
I'm done living in fear.
2 Timothy 1:7. For God did not give us a spirt of fear, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-CONTROL.
This is the verse I'm clinging to these days. Fear does not come from God. If the spirit of the living God lives inside of us then we have NOTHING to fear. Absolutely nothing and nobody. How did I ever let myself get so wrapped up in being fearful and not even know it. Oh yeah because satan sucks and he wants us to be in bondage to fear. Lame.
Galations 5:1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm and don't let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Fear is a form of slavery and I'm done letting that crap run my life. Writing this blog and pouring out my heart is one of the steps in helping me get there!
　
