On the World Race there will be times that you feel down about the month and discouraged, where you find the month a little harder to push through and relate to those around you. But I also find that I learn and experience so much during these rough times. There were several months that I can say that I enjoyed immensely, but maybe the reason why was because they were easy, but as I look back on those months, I feel like I haven’t learned as much or grown as much as I have during the harder months.
Sure, no one likes the hard times, especially when you’re in the thick of it, but I think I’m finally starting to understand James when he says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3). I won’t say I understand it fully, but I think I can see why there is joy in the hard times.
This month in Cambodia my team and I have definitely experienced a share of interesting times. It started when our bus driver who was taking us to the town we will be ministering in hit a motorcycle and ran off into the woods, leaving us stranded for four hours. While that was disconcerting, we had a grand time hanging out at the Police station with other travelers. At our ministry we lived at the children’s home, and everyday the children would be asking for our attention coming into our rooms and interrupting team time. Now, I love children, but I had never spent so much time with children before and felt like all my energy was gone. Often I just wanted to retreat from the world. Also, we often rode a Tuk Tuk to different ministry locations with 2 or 3 of us riding a motorcycle. Half-way through the month I was told I was too big to ride a motorcycle and they wanted only certain people to ride. Now, I’m about 5’5″ and around 150 pounds. While I do have a little weight on me, I definitely weigh less than the males who were allowed to ride. This hit me hard. Finally, I preached my first sermon this month and it was difficult for my translator; the passage I chose was a little long to read and I often needed to stop preaching to explain the sermon so they could accurately translate for the congregation.
It was hard and I was tired by the end of the month.
In spite of this, when I review the month in my head there is an undercurrent of peace and satisfaction. I really did enjoy this month and what the Lord taught me.
This month I was given the opportunity to teach about 20 students English by myself with a translator. I have always been afraid of public speaking and hated the idea of teaching. While I did a little bit in Thailand with 5 students, I still didn’t like the idea of doing it. At the end of this month I had developed a fun relationship with my students and translator, often laughing throughout the class and learning more about my own language while teaching them about it. This ministry of teaching English was probably my favorite of this month.
I also got to know the children at the orphanage so well. Yes, they were always around us and often joining our team devotions and going into our rooms, but I developed a lot of relationships with them and some of the girls tried to teach me Cambodian dancing. It turned into a huge dance party between me and them. At the end, one of the girls told me she wanted me to be her sister! Even though we really couldn’t speak with each other, we developed a loving bond. I had learned how to find private time with the Lord and how to rejuvenate myself so I can invest that time with the children, so we can love each other.
I learned how to love my body. Basically, even though they never said this, I felt like I was told I was fat. However, I know that comments like that are a cultural thing and, all over Asia, people often make these statements as observations, not to be rude. The roads we were riding on were very muddy and bumpy. We had to be careful about how much weight we put on the tires so they wouldn’t wear out or go flat. I was hurt for a while but the Lord reminded me that I needed to forgive; they did not mean any ill-will in their statements. And while looking at my body today, even with it’s imperfections, I thought I looked good and beautiful.
My hardest time was my first sermon but as I look back on it, I am happy. As I prepared I really felt driven by the Holy Spirit and felt the need to share the message that I learned so much through as well. Yes, there were translation issues, but I learned through this experience what it is like working with a translator when preaching. I learned how to exercise patience and how to just focus on God’s message and love despite what was going on around me while preaching. Preaching is not about building myself up and making me confident, though I am learning how to be more confident; it is to share God’s message to his people, and besides that nothing else compares.
So, yes, Cambodia did have its share of trials, but I also grew more because of those difficulties. James continues his words in verse 4, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” In these hardships, I can find joy because of the work the Lord is doing in me. It is in these troubles that I am closest with the Lord where he is doing a good work in me, growing and changing me to become more like him. I may not like it at the time but I am so thankful for the rough times or else I would never change.
