He peeks through the rails of his stairway, a shadow shuffling closer with the noise of a bell jingling. He presses his face against the bars, quickly inhaling a quiet breath, for the shadow seemed to belong to the mythical man he heard about every Christmas. Was he actually real, this Santa Claus?
His curiosity was disappointed to find the shadow separate into two accompanied by the laughter of his father and younger sister. Another let down. Standing up he scrambles into bed and pulls his blanket over his head just as the door opens. He laid still, not knowing why he pretended to sleep, but was rewarded by hearing the soft whispering of his father and mother contemplating whether or not he knew Santa was real.
With this conversation and the soft click of the door, disappointment built up in his heart. He had suspected it for some time now, his friends had already stopped believing in the Jolly man dressed in red. Logically, there was no way one man could travel to every house in the world at midnight, squeeze through the chimney, and deliver gifts. There were too many houses and not enough time! And nobody really lives at the North Pole, it was a desolate wasteland. With these thoughts plaguing his mind he fell into a fitful sleep.
“Toooot Tooooooooooooooot!!!!!!!!!!”
At the wail of a train whistle, he sits up, his bed shaking across the ground, his wall decorations falling to the floor. Lights flood and move across his room at a very fast speed while he stares opened mouthed at the scene outside his window. He scrambles out of bed and grabbed his robe hanging on his bed post, ripping his pocket in the process. Scrambling down the stairs he throws the front door open, revealing a long passenger train resting on his street?! How was that possible? There weren’t even train tracks on the road he lived on. Steam poured out as the trained calmed down.
In the midst of the steam and mist a lone voice cries out, “All Aboard!” A lantern shown through the fog, beaming up and down. He ran toward the voice to find the train conductor, a middle-aged man dressed in his uniform, starchily ironed, and impeccably clean. A mustache curled over his lip while round spectacles sat on his nose. Looking down on the boy he once again questioned, “Well, ya comin’?
“Where?”
“Why, to the NORTH POLE of course! This is the POLAR EXPRESS!” The man jubilantly cried with the wave of his arms.
“The North Pole?” Was this man a lunatic?
“Hmm … I see.” The man nodded and pulled out a file. “Is this photo you? Good. Well, it says here … no photo with a department-store Santa this year, no letter to Santa. And you made your sister put out the milk and cookies. Sounds like to me this is your crucial year. If I were you, I would think about climbing on board.” The conductor leaned down to whisper in his face.
Who was this man? Was this train really here? Santa wasn’t real right? Stepping back, his head shook no uncertainly.
“Well, suit yourself.” The train conductor pushed his glasses farther up his nose while turning around to step up onto the train. Waving the lantern to the engine room, he disappeared inside as the train started to move.
He stood at the brink of a crucial decision. Was this real? Was this a dream? Was this train and odd conductor really going to the North Pole? To see Santa? Lights from the passenger train flashed before him and he looked up to see children laughing inside.
Before he even knew what he was doing, he reached his arm out and he ran towards the car.
Polar Express is probably one of my favorite Christmas movies along with White Christmas, Its a wonderful Life, and the Muppet’s Christmas Carol. I don’t know why it captured and held my interest; I could cite the animation (though now its not so new or outstanding), the soundtrack (I downloaded part of it and listen to it throughout the year), or the story-line itself. While I could say it’s a mixture of all three, I still believe that without the music or if it was not animated, the story would still hold its own.
Its about a boy who gives up hope and belief in a character that was central to his world and his wonder. All around him people stop believing and he finds evidence to support that what he believes isn’t real. He becomes disappointed, cynical, and jaded. Then, something that wasn’t even in his wildest dreams happens, an express train to the very thing he stopped believing in shows up in an impossible way. Why he initially refuses, as the train pulls away, he can’t resist reaching out and running after it. Some part of his heart still hopes.
Recently, God placed a revelation in my heart and I realize that my life is a lot like the story of Polar Express. I grew up hearing about and believing in God. I depended on him and relied on him, yet as I got older the world told me he didn’t exist. I stubbornly held onto the belief but over time I kept finding evidence that he wasn’t there. It was all a lie. I became cynical and jaded.
Right when I was at my worst and lowest, the Polar Express train came for me.
I won’t say it came all at once or as obvious as a train, but a span of 8 months was my train. I went to a job interview for a very small restaurant in the middle of nowhere and right after the interview, one of the managers pulled me to the side to talk. He was a very strong and charismatic Christian. I had not seen the charismatic side of Christianity but heard of it so it was very daunting to me. He talked to me about Jesus and I wanted to leave but I ended up crying and “dedicating” my life to Jesus. That was the train pulling in front of me.
For the next several months I said I had changed but not really. I still wasn’t making an actual effort to get to know the Lord and was still sinning purposefully. However, I started going to Bible study regularly, joined an online christian college, and sought out Christian friends. I was drawn to Christ. He was the train conductor in the mist, calling me and waving his lantern, speaking to me and inviting me onto the train. But I doubted, I feared. I knew what that would require of me and I pulled back and fell into my old ways. I told the train conductor no and he stepped back onto the train.
After Christmas I really felt God telling me to make a choice. I had to choose between him or between my boyfriend at the time, I couldn’t have both; the train was pulling away in front of me. I saw people who walked with the Lord, I saw them in the train laughing and I wanted that. I broke up with my boyfriend and then I reached out and ran for the train car.
My Polar Express Moment will be continued in Part 2.
