Yet again, it’s been a while since I’ve written. 🙂 Obligation has its way of making me not want to do things—even the things I love most. (In this case, blogging.) It’s as if duty and passion cannot coexist in my life. Mehh.
That’s something I’ve always admired about both of my sisters—their ability to get things done, regardless of whether or not they feel like doing them.
I remember going to my dad’s job sites as a kid. He never let us do the fun stuff, like use a power drill… which probably explains why I was screwdriver inept in the Malaysian jungle. At one point, I had to explain to my female teammates that my arm muscles are deceiving, and that I actually am incapable of single-handedly sending a screw through a steel beam. (Fortunately, I don’t find affirmation in my ability to use power tools.)
Instead of assisting my dad with framing and roofing, we usually landed lowly positions on the “strawing team”—a dynamic trio that consisted of… drumroll please… Leslie, Kellie and myself. We were solely responsible for shaking straw over the entire yard after my dad scattered grass seed across the usual 1-2 acre lot. Dad would pay us about $75 each for the day’s work, but I hated it anyway.
Straw got all in my shoes and in my hair. Particles from the hay bales filled the air when we ripped apart the squares then shook them out. I mostly remember sweating, itching, sneezing… and finding it hard to breathe. I imagine all three of us looked kind of like that dusty kid on Charlie Brown.
I personally requested a water break every 15 minutes, and that probably annoyed my older sister. She always wanted to get the job done as quickly and thorough as possible. She could push through. Kellie too. Me? No.
I was usually daydreaming about things I’d rather be doing. Riding my horse, drawing, running through the fields next to our house, playing kickball, homework even. I wasn’t lazy. I never have been. I’ve just always wanted to do what I want to do. And the minute I cause myself to feel any sense of duty and obligation, like “You MUST blog about every World Race experience… or you’ll fail at conquering 2013,” my tank starts to empty, and my passion starts dwindling.
Based upon what I’ve written so far, I reckon some people would argue that I’m being irresponsible… that I’m arguing against the “nose to the grindstone” kind of lifestyle. Or perhaps others could come up with a theory about how I fear commitment. Honestly, to some extent, I’d agree. But there’s this other, louder part of me that begs the question, “Why should I do something if my heart’s not in it?”
More simply put—if I’m going to do something, I want to be all in.
As usual, let me clarify. I’m not saying students should cut class because school’s no fun. I’m not saying a mother should drop her baby off on a doorstep because she didn’t like the responsibility of being a parent. I’m not saying a couple should give up on their marriage because things got tough. I’m not even saying children should disobey their father’s instruction because strawing yards sucks.
Often times, we’re called to do things we don’t feel like doing. God calls us to respect authority. God calls us to take time discipling and caring for our children. God calls us to submit to our husbands and to love our wives out of reverence for Christ. God calls us to honor our parents.
But often times, we do things simply because we’re lured (and ultimately crushed) by the pressures of society and of our own sinful minds… and not because God told us to.
Why am I dating this person?
Why am I getting married?
Why am I studying this?
Why am I accepting this job?
Why am I moving to this city?
Why am I posting this on Facebook?
Why am I buying this house?
Why am I exercising?
Why am I eating this way?
Why am I going on this missions trip?
Why am I saying this?
Why am I writing this blog?
I encourage you to ask these questions. Don’t drive yourself crazy. I’m not saying you should consult God about whether you should eat cereal or toast for breakfast. But I am saying that as believers, we should constantly check our hearts.
Question your intentions. Ask yourself who you’re really aiming to please—God or man? As we aim more and more for pleasing God and less and less for pleasing the world, false layers start fading away, and authenticity and freedom seep in. When we seriously get real with God, we get real with ourselves, and eventually, with others.
I read this earlier today:
I truly believe the greatest gift we can give the world is our true self living in loving union with God. How can we affirm other people’s unique identities when we don’t affirm our own? Can we really love our neighbors well without loving ourselves?
As the race comes to an end, I’ve realized I’m insanely passionate about this one thing—helping people, particularly women, discover their healthy, mature, true selves.
As Rabbi Zusya once said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why were you not Zusya?’”
Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Better yet, ask God. He created you. Then go… be all in.
Blog. Travel. Mother. Father. Listen. Serve. Lead. Preach. Prophesy. Pray. Build. Ask. Question. Learn. Teach. Sing. Dance. Eat. Drink. Stand. Defend. Fight. Work. Share. Create. Write. Invent. Love. Give. Support. Fund. Disciple. Seek. Find. Talk. Speak. Shout. Run. Bend. Stretch. Sit. Breathe. Quieten. Cry. Heal. Grow. Mature. Plant. Water. Harvest. Impart. Move. Stay. Praise.
Lord, your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
I still have a long way to go. I have a lot of learning left to do, a lot of pain to endure, and a lot of joy to experience. But I’ve come quite a ways in a year. Experiencing 11 countries, 11 cultures and 11 ministries in 11 months has its way of changing a person.
Still, no matter where I ended up, one thing remained the same.
Our God never changes. His mercy, grace, discipline and love are always available—to everyone everywhere. He is the one thing we can be sure of… the one thing we can count on. He is the God of the Ecuadorians, the Peruvians, the Bolivians, the Romanians, the Ukrainians, the South Africans, the Mozambicans, the Swazis, the Thai, the Cambodians, the Malaysians and the Americans. And the day is coming when all tribes and tongues will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
This is quite possibly my last World Race blog post. 🙂 So, I want to say thank you for your unending support and encouragement. Hopefully I’ll be seeing many of you soon.
Love,
Julie
Support YEBO Knoxville:
While in Swaziland (month 8), the Lord put it on my heart to start an organization called YEBO, which means “yes” is Swati. He told me to use His concept of strong community to create a space for the modern-day woman to rest, heal and grow—physically, emotionally and spiritually.
He’s given me the go ahead to plan a gathering for a group of women in my hometown, Knoxville, TN. My heart is to fully bless these women, so I will not be asking them to contribute financially. If you would like to support this mission, please visit http://www.gofundme.com/YEBO-Knoxville. Donations will be used to cover expenses, such as lodging, food, study materials and speakers, for three full days.
