Can we ever forget who we were? Can we bury the past that is the "us" Before Christ and embrace His promise for the things purposed for the "us" After Deliverance?
More importantly, can other people forget the "us" that once was and accept the truth of eternal Love from our once tainted lips?
For me that line has always been quite blurry. Using the rebellion from my past to share wisdom with others is always a tricky thing. It wasn't too long ago I was teaching other people how to do the very things that I now seek to be an example against.
How does one resolve that?
Honestly, I've done some selfish and sophmoric things. I had been the last guy you'd want to speak into your life for a long time.
Ever since I first signed up for this World Race, there have been many people who knew the old me and have circled back around to see what Julian is up to now.
Something interesting has crossed my mind several times since then:
What makes our devotion to a Christ-centered life believable to the people we reveled in sin with?
I'm not talking smoking a joint during a 311 concert… I am talking the stories that make you cringe when you think of sharing them with your kids one day.
Snorting lines of coke in the shape of your initials just because it was a day that ended in "y".
Cheating family out of money because they were open to giving it to you.
Stealing someone else's work because it was easier than doing it yourself.
Abandoning a child you had from a one night stand.
Letting someone else take the fall for your crime and having to think about them rotting in your jail cell.
We all have our past we wish we would go back in time to prevent. I know I have mine.
Is it really just to 'live differently"?
Is that enough for the most unforgiving cynic?
Maybe it's just me, since for so long I rocked the "Christian" moniker on my Facebook page, while I did anything Christ-less off-camera.
Christine Caine said, "How long will you continue to forsake your destiny because you are so fixated on your history? It is time to move past your past."
When we have moved forward beyond our own past, we have to leave it to others to see that we've changed direction.
I now preach about integrity and strive to live a life less ordinary on a day to day basis. In the end, our actions re all we have to show our growth in Christ. Our fruit.
God looks at the heart (1Samuel 16:7). The things that truly reside in our hearts come out through our words and actions (Matthew 15:18).
All I have is an assurance that what people see in me now looks a lot less like Julian and a lot more like Christ.
As I look forward to being a man living for a purpose in God's Kingdom instead of Julian's empire, I leave the decision of discerning the fruit of my behavior to the judgement of men. Not because they deserve it, but because that is reality.
The Lord knows my heart.
All men have is my actions.
Psalm 25:4-7
Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You. Remember, O Lord, Your unfailing love and compassion, which you have shown from long ages past. Forgive the rebellious sins of my youth; look instead through the eyes of your unfailing love, for you are merciful Lord.
*Disclaimer: The examples in this blog are not all mine, but those of people who struggle with the same tendency to let their past prevent their future's freedom and cause their walk with Christ to slow to a crawl.
