Oh how the good Lord grows us. After my revelation about my family and my team mate that I was having trouble with and I working things out I thought everything was going to be great. I decided to stay on the race, my team and I were getting along, I felt super in tune with God, everything was running smooth. Wrong.
After my revelation about my family my brother commented on my blog and that in itself stressed me out because I didn’t know how to respond. After I did respond, I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t what I wanted to get out of it. Simultaneously, I discovered we have a dead line coming up at the end of the month that I’m a good $4,000 away from. If that wasn’t enough, my boyfriend, who claimed to have no problem waiting 11 months because he loved me just that much, dumped me like a hot potato. Since I wasn’t at the point of ripping my hair out yet, I found out my mom had surgery on her shoulder and it was so messed up they had to shave off part of her collar bone. What should’ve been an outpatient procedure ended up being an over night stay in the hospital. Seriously? What more did God want from me? I felt like I was doing what I needed to be doing and being true to God’s will. If that was the case then why did it feel like everything was crashing in around me?
I have a tendency to push people away when things start getting rough. Unfortunately enough for my team mates, those tendencies followed me to Thailand. With all of this stuff going on I just wanted to retreat into a corner and not talk to anyone. I felt like a ticking time bomb and any slightly rude comment or inquisitive look would set me off into a fit of rage.
Why was God punishing me? What did I do wrong? Then I thought, oh wait. I’m actually doing exactly what God told me to do. God called me to stay on this race. God called me to dedicate a year of my life to Him and Him only, not a boyfriend back home. Of course all of this stuff was happening, because in the words of the great Charlie Daniels “the devil’s lookin for a soul to steal.” I am doing what God wants me to do. I am closer to God than ever before. Of course the devil is going to drag every single skeleton out of my closet to try to break me and make me go home. Well guess what, it’s not going to happen. Satan can throw anything he wants my way, but my faith in God is going to get me through it. I’m not going to stay in some grouchy funk just because some stuff hit the fan recently. So, to quote Mr. Daniels yet again:
"Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again.
"cause I told you once, you son of a gun, I'm the best there's ever been."
I may not be the best that’s ever been, but you can challenge me to go against God’s plan for me all you want. I’m not going anywhere. I love my God and I’m on fire for him, no bad circumstances can change that.
In other news:
We got a new team member, his name is Michael Clevenger. He's real nice/asian.
The place we're staying at in Thailand is like a four star hotel compared to where we've been the past two months. (complete with a microwave and washer)
I was being serious about needing $4,000 by October 1.
We're building a football goal for the school we're volunteering at.
I seriously need $4,000 : )
love you guys
