I’m ANGRY With God
Precaution: This blog contains a lot of personal info that may or may not make the audience feel uncomfortable.
“Why God!? Why??”
This trip you may think would just be loads of fun around every corner. Happiness everywhere, living with Jesus right in front of us, love and love and lots more love. While these things may be true, it’s turned out to be the hardest time of my life, and I’ve only been gone a little over a month. This Jesus, this God that I serve, He isn’t safe. He isn’t fair. Serving Him is probably one of the most unsafe and scariest roads to ever take. I’m slowly starting to realize that the classic saying is true: “He never promised that following Him would be easy.”
“Oh Joshy, what could possibly be so hard? What are you complaining about? You’re in another country, places we’ll probably never go.”
“Well then go ahead, take my place. I want to see you do it.”
“Why God!? Why??”
“Oh Joshy, how could it possibly be so hard to be happy?”
“Let me tell you why!”
My family! My dad, mom, and two sisters, Kenz and Anna. He took me away from them!
My best friend, the woman I want to marry someday!! He took me away from her!!
The family that I want to be a part of someday. He took me away from them!
My other best friend, Matt, who I’ve known since I was a baby. He took me away from him!
The comfortable life at home of security and safety. He took me away from it!
The college life my friends are living. He took me away from that!
Everything that could possibly have made me feel comfortable HE TOOK ME AWAY FROM!
IM ANGRY!!
“Why God!? Why??”
You guys ask how could I possibly be angry with God? I ask how could I NOT be angry with God? I’m not comfortable, I’m living in a place I don’t know, I’m living a life of constant unknowns, and I’m terrified. Who’s there for me? Who’s supporting me? When I come home who is really gonna be there in the end?
So yah, I’m angry with God! I get mad at Him a lot! I’ve had trouble finding out why I’m actually on this trip, why God put me on this trip.
“Why God?! Why??”
Then one morning this week, dealing with a hard and recent struggle, I was praying with God, “Show me my purpose. Why did you put me on this trip?” Then I could hear Him say, “To make you a man. Do you know what being a man is? Let me show you. Put your full trust in me. I’ll make you a man, a man of God, a man for the future people of your life: your friends, family, wife, kids, and anyone you meet. So that they see me living through you.” Then randomly flipping open my Bible, it opens to Hosea. As if I needed a more reassuring sign from God, He shows me a man of God in the Bible. “Become Hosea, Josh. Become a man of God. Love me and fear me. Love those around you unconditionally – always loving, always forgiving, never giving into evil. Trust in me and let My Will BE DONE.” “Okay God.”
It’s hard not to believe Satan’s lies. Often times I’ve just wanted to come home and end this Race. But doing that would give Satan even more power, doing exactly what he wants me to do. So yes, I’m angry with God. I get angry with Him, but in these times of struggle, He is the only true One I can reach out to for perfect and overwhelming comfort and peace. Staying in His word, constantly praying, allowing my heart to be open to His strength, trusting in Him, and becoming Hosea. Becoming the man that He truly wants me to be.
“Become Hosea. Become the man I want you to be.”
