How does one explain the unexplainable? How does one begin to put into words something that is clearly not of this world? These are just a couple of questions I am faced with when asked how my training camp went. In the last 10 days God began a radical transformation process in me. He showed me how to open up and speak life into a world so full of death. He showed me how to smile in the most troubling of times. He showed me how to embrace the storm and in it find his grace. He has given me a glimpse of what it looks like to live in a truly genuine community. I am so grateful for the time spent in Georgia with people I have quickly learned to love and grow with, people I cannot see my life without, even if I have only known them for a brief period of time. God has placed before me a community of his children, all called for the same purpose. It has only been one day since my return home and I already feel deprived of that community. It’s certainly a difficult thing, to live with the same group of people for 24 hours a day then all of a sudden leave them all. This month will certainly not be the same without them but I count the days until we will be reunited at launch, as we step out into the nations. But enough of the sadness, I have come to share with you good news. News of how God has started this great transformation into the disciple he has called me to be.
In just 10 days, God has broken my addiction to comfort and showed me how to embrace discomfort and to rejoice in the storm, for it there you will not only find your true self, but it is also where you will see God’s true face. Throughout training camp I was thrown into various situations where I was thrown out of my comfort zone and at first I absolutely hated it. But as the week went on and the more situations I was thrown in, I learned to fully depend on God and to seek his refuge in the midst of the storm. What I found then was extraordinary. What I found was a peace beyond comprehension and an unquantifiable joy that radiates from the core of my being. If I was not thrown out into the storm, I would have never experienced such a beautiful thing.
I will never be the same person.
Not only did I learn how to embrace discomfort, but I also learned how to let go and dance and sing without a care in the world all for my Abba’s enjoyment. During Thursday night’s worship I found myself at the front of the crowd, arms up, jumping, singing, and dancing with the utmost joy, without a care in the world. To those who know me well know how introverted and reserved I can be. But I learned to throw away the notion that people might think I look foolish or even like an idiot at times. Such thoughts I will no longer dwell on because I do not do such things for the approval of others. I do such things because it brings glory to the one who created me and gave me purpose.
One of the most miraculous things God has done to me this past week was how he revealed to me my own self worth in a time I thought I had none. The first couple days of camp I doubted my own worth and purpose. I questioned whether or not if this was really where I was supposed to be, whether this was the path I was to walk down. To my amazement, God kept referring me to a line of scripture found in the fifteenth chapter of The Gospel of John. That line was as follows, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit.” Those words spoken by Jesus, pierced my soul deeper than the depths of space. All day it felt as if every ten minutes I went back to read those words. How humbling it is to know we worship a God who seeks out our hearts first, rather than the other way around. How comforting it is to know that even when we run away, he will always be there, waiting for us to come back. Those words have changed my life for the better.
During one exercise, we learned about the various ways God can speak to us and how it can be different for everyone. The exercise started by sitting in silence as we pray for God’s presence to come over us. What came next was completely unexpected. Before I knew it I began to write down what I had heard. I could not have written those words fast enough. One thing I want to make clear is they were not my words, for my mind did not come up with them. They were given to me and it is now clear why. When I was praying I asked God why he had called me here. Why he had chosen me. The following is what he had spoken to me:
“Tend my garden. Sow my seed and when the time is right, harvest my crop. When the soil becomes dry, shower it with water. Do not be discouraged when a seed does not take root, for there are plots as far as the eye can see and then some. Tend my garden child, tend my garden.”
It would be nearly impossible for me to describe the peace that came over me after this but to really make this clear to me, God didn’t just speak to me, he showed me this garden. On a different night God gave me a beautiful vision of a garden with grass greener then any green my eyes have ever seen. This garden seemed to go on forever into the horizon with no signs of a border. It was then that I saw myself as a child, walking hand and hand with my savior. We ran and danced together. We smiled a smile so gloriously divine. Never in my life have I seen such a set of beautiful smiles. As we continued down through this garden, he lifted me up above his head, holding me towards the warm sun. He then said to me, “My son, I have chosen you to tend this garden.” I could not help but to weep uncontrollably.
This past week I gained an intimacy with God I had never thought possible. There is soooooo much more I would like to tell you but for the sake of not turning this blog into a novel I will refrain from doing so. There will be more blogs to come as I hope to get better at this whole thing. So, until next time, may God bless you and may you take comfort in the storm, embracing the discomfort, for there your true self will be reveled to you, for it is there you will truly stare into the eyes of God.
