This blog is for my supporters and anyone thinking about the World Race.
The last three months were very hard for me. Wait let me rephrase, Asia was hard for me. Which is surprising because I had thought I would like Asia and Africa would be harder. But I had it backwards, for one thing Chinese food is definialy not the same as Asian food, and the spiritual warfare that I experienced there was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. And I was definitely unprepared for what I was about to face. You see I was on a spiritual high from South Africa and I needed to be covered in prayer, but instead I was covered in the thrill of the adventures I’d had.
So the race is hard, for one I’ve got people telling me to do things that I don’t necessarily agree with and I’m fighting with myself to submit to their authority while not blindly following, and understanding that God has the trump card. Then while all that’s going on that asshole satan is throwing every offense he can at me to get me offended when God is asking me to walk in unoffendability. My mind wants me to question everything that sounds off from what I believe. Which I don’t think is wrong I actually believe its biblical to do so, testing and struggling to find His truth in everything. But doing so doesn’t help make this race any easier.
So basically I’ve felt like a failure because all I could do in Asia was struggle. I struggled with this leadership and the way they tried to show they care, and of course I struggled with some rules and decisions that this organization made for me. I was struggling with wanting to go home almost everyday because I hated this and I wasn’t seeing any fruit, I was just working and sweating my ass off and it seemed a bit ridiculous to me to stay. To anyone who knows me you already know the food was a huge struggle, but I tried the cuisine from each country. I struggled with things from my past and again felt like a failure because I thought I had conquered those things. And now with the leaving of my close friend I don’t have anybody to talk through things with because of the things I have struggled with. The new rules I’ve been given state that I can only talk through these things with leadership. Which honestly after struggling with them (leadership) its hard to desire to walk through this stuff with them. And I could hear God talking the whole time but I saw no fruit or growth in myself, so I had a hard time believing what He was saying as well. Another thing, in the journey markers they have us do each week they keep asking how are we doing with abandonment. So I’ll tell you my answer to finish this paragraph. I have left every comfort of home to go on this journey, all of the food I love, all the people I love and all the other comforts that we take for granted like driving our selves places and air conditioning. Plus the fact that I turned thirty in Thailand and will miss both my little brothers birthdays this year 10 and 13 both big milestones. So I think I’m doing pretty good at abandonment. Romans 5: 1-5 and 2 Corinthians 4 about summed up my months in Asia. Get in your bible people and read this word from the Lord.
So as I sat in the only place I could find to be alone in Thailand I started thinking about all of these struggles I had been going through in the last few months and all I could think was where was God. I mean I had been hearing Him speak but it felt somehow distant and I couldn’t understand why. So I ask Him and didn’t get much of an answer, which just frustrated me more. So I stopped talking to Him and decided to just read my bible instead. One thing I knew for sure was that I am supposed to be in the book of Hebrews right now because he had made that real clear earlier in the month. I was in Hebrews chapter 2 and when I got to the part where it says, “what is man that you are mindful of him? “I was stopped in my tracks. All I could think was seriously dude after all I’ve been struggling with and wrestling with do you really still think of me? After all the times I’ve messed up and fallen flat on my face am I really on your mind? Seriously who am I that you care for me? I ask Him this stuff multiple times, and He still didn’t answer. So I just kept reading to where He says Jesus is not ashamed to call them brother, and it hit me, I’m part of His family. He is mindful of me because I’m His and not only His but also His family. Once I realized this it was like God’s mouth opened and He began to download what He had been doing in me the last few months.
