Transistor Radio played through the blutooth speaker we listened to as we cut the grass the African way. While we were slashing, God and I were hashing some things out. With each song, I remembered times when I was a kid growing up, in high school, working at John Deere, and things of the like. Normally when I think of my past, I get this sad, empty feeling. I think about how I didn’t have any close friends, preferring to be alone in my room, yet wishing I was relational.
When talking about their youth, most people tell me about their best friend, dating girls, or going to prom. All of my “best friends” either moved away or moved out of my life, I have never dated, and wanted to disappear every time prom came around. I always feel like I could have done more- made better friends and not been so reclusive. I often look back with a recurrent feeling of regret.
But this time, remembering was different. Something new stood in place of that familiar empty feeling. As I hacked away at the dry weeds and memories flooded my mind, I began to see things as they actually were. A particular song came on and I remembered listening to it while driving home from school one day. I saw myself in the car alone, as usual, but then my view zoomed out and I could see the sun filling the sky, shining brightly overhead. At that moment, I knew that I was never alone. I had never been alone and I never will be.
“This is the moment where my eyes will look up to the sun. The Son that’s always been there for me, arms around my life, for now and evermore.”
The times I felt secluded, God showed me that I wasn’t. He was always right there, shining overhead. He was never out of sight, I just didn’t look at Him. I wallowed in self pity while the Answer looked me in the face.
Me and God revisited other memories of times where I felt abandoned, like the ghosts of Christmas past showing Ebeneezer Scrooge his life. God’s Spirit collided with mine and I felt surging life-power dethrone the emptiness that had reigned inside of me. I am awakened to the authority I have as a son. I am gaining an inner confidence, attributed to the new found knowledge that He’s always stood beside. Although others lived the life I wish I would have, I didn’t miss out on the One thing of real significance. I am at home with God anywhere I go.
Until now, I’ve been too lost to listen to the truth. I’m learning reliance on the unshakable presence of the Spirit of God. I have to rely on Him because I can’t do this life on my own. And I don’t have to.
“This nightmare won’t end if you don’t wake up… The Morning Sun is waiting to save you from yourself.”
Let God into the most hidden and tender areas of your life and you’ll find that He will restore your brokenness and heal your heart. It’s time to wake up homie. Jesus is waiting.
