I realize that I don't write a lot. It's usually because I don't feel like what I have is quite ready. It's not perfectly packaged, my thoughts might be too scattered, etc. I've been learning that that is not a very good excuse. For all those same reasons, I used to refrain from speaking (adding to conversations), teaching or preaching. I shared that with my team back in Kenya during a team time and was quite surprised by what everyone had to say.
Many said that I had a great way of bringing the Word of God to life and making it easier to understand. They also said that I have a deep knowledge and wisdom about the Scriptures and that I should definitely speak up a lot more and seriously consider discipling people and preaching when we return to the States. I realize this goes for blogs too. I don't need to wait to write about the profound new things I've learned or anything, but share my side of this incredible story that we're living.
This month hasn't really been my best. I've experienced a lot of physical and emotional burnout. There were a couple of days where I just had an incredibly bad attitude about our work, or some of the situations that arose. I realized that a lot of the attitude stemmed from worries. Worries about the future and about money. I don't exactly know what I'm going to do when we get back and I don't know how our finances are going to work either. I'm ok with this now, but I realized that I needed to take a couple of days off to fast and just listed to God.
On the 2nd day, I was reading in Matthew 15 about the Canaanite woman whose daughter was demon possessed. Jesus initially ignored her, then told her that He had come only for the Jews and that it wasn't right for Him to "take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." Her answer was, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table." At this, it says that Jesus was astonished, or marveled as some translations say. I thought to myself, "Man, I know that I don't have a faith that could make Jesus "marvel." But the I heard God clearly say, "Yes you do." Then He reminded me of our journey to get here on the Race.
He reminded me that even though we had several setbacks and struggles, we didn't give up on fundraising and getting to training camp. We didn't give up when we almost didn't make it to launch. And then He reminded me that I had enough faith to believe His promise that we were going to stay on the entire Race, even when our plane tickets to go home had been bought and it looked impossible for us to be able to raise the money to finish. He told me that it is a faith like Abraham's.
It's crazy how easily we can forget what kind of faith we have, or how quickly we forget what God has done for us. He gives us good gifts, He gives us faith and most importantly, He has given us eternal life and has made us righteous in His sight even though we did nothing to get there on our own. As for me, I will do my best to remember His greatness and walk in the Truth that He has given me a great faith.
