I think there is this big myth about the World Race. That, from day one, you will be so stretched and challenged, that you will immediately experience huge, explosive, challenging growth and change. And if you are not feeling this, then you must not be doing it right.
Beginning at Launch in Chicago, people have periodically asked me how I am doing, spiritually and emotionally. My honest answer is great. Better than I expected, actually.
I expected to be homesick. While I have definitely missed my family and friends, it is more a feeling of wishing they were here experiencing this with me, instead of wanting to go back home to be with them.
I expected to be sweating it up, with no air conditioning, looking cute in my tanks and missionary garb. Instead, I found myself wet and cold in the mountains, looking quite silly with 3 shirts layered, my thin sweater, sweatpants tucked into my leggings, and bright green socks with sandals.
I expected to be so overwhelmed with emotions that I didn't know how to feel.
I expected to finally find that magical recipe to make an early morning, every day, hour long, reading the Bible like I can't get enough of it quiet time work for me. Because what can be more spiritual than being on the World Race? [sarcasm]. And that's the only way to really do quiet time correctly. [sarcasm again].
I did not expect to find out that I really did have expectations after all.
I did not expect to realize that, although I love and claim my individualism, I do this really detrimental thing in my spiritual life called comparison.
Josh is really great about being dedicated to reading his Bible (often several different translations), every day. And if he misses a day or two, he gets right back on the routine, no harm done. He reads it, and retains it.
I, on the other hand, had almost gotten to a point of resentment that he, along with others, is able to do this. I felt like I was lacking or failing in my walk with God because when I was able to actually sit down and do it, it was forced, and my eyes were just glazing over the words on the page. I did not enjoy these times at all, and I ended up feeling further from God than ever. When he would try to help me be accountable with reading consistently, I would twist it into him trying to be legalistic and calling me out, which was just really masking my frustration that I couldn't do it.
This perspective began to break down for me at Training Camp. Our speaker, Ron Walborn, spoke on Spiritual Instincts, or your spiritual personality. (You can read an overview of this at http://jeffgoins.myadventures.org/?filename=discovering-your-spiritual-instinct ). The idea that there are more ways to have quality time with God and to experience Him in different ways, and that the other ways are just as important as reading and studying the Word was revolutionary to me. Of course reading the Bible is extremely important, but the way it is traditionally done had been put on this unreachable pedestal for me, and I just never seemed to measure up.
At Training Camp, I realized that the Relational, Experiential, and Naturalistic instincts are where I excel and where I experience God the most. I was over the moon that there are other people like me, and that my lines of communication to God are legitimate. Ron encouraged us to not only dwell in the areas that we already excel in, but to try to develop the others to have a more rounded spiritual life.
I have realized that being on the Race is like having a spiritual microscope on you from many different angles. Your family and friends are (lovingly) watching you. Your squad is watching you. Your team is watching you. Blog followers that you have never met are watching you (by the way: please comment! Friend me on Facebook. I want to get to know you. I was one of those silent followers for many Racers, and I see now how I and they would have benefitted from it 🙂 )
All of a sudden, I was in an environment where the people around me are fiercely seeking after God, whether that is in doing daily quiet time or in other ways. And that inspired me to focus not on my "failures" and "shortcomings" when it comes to how I "should" experience God (sorry for all the quotes in this sentence, haha), but on the ways that I do experience Him.
Because, honestly, my relationship with Jesus is my relationship with Him. And, just like all my Earthly relationships look different, mine looks different than anyone else's. That is the beauty of it. If they were all the same, and if we try to make it that way, we end up cheapening what He has to offer.
So, this is what my relationship with the Lord looks like (as well as words can describe anyway):
A breeze fluttering through the cornstalks, through my hair, and on my face.
A bright yellow butterfly fluttering by.
The animals that keep showing up, just for me (blog coming soon).
Sitting in a hostel room at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala, on the edge of my bed, with my eyes closed, just feeling Him all around me.
Uncontrollable laughter as the kids show us a "shortcut" down the mountain that is really a 45 degree angle mud rut that we are falling instead of walking down.
Sitting in my tent one afternoon, with Josh reading his Bible behind me, reading Philippians with a renewed interest that I have never had before, because it was just a random time on a random afternoon, and no pressure from anyone that I had to be doing it.
Falling asleep on the couch on the porch of the La Iguana hostel at Lake Atitlan, listening to the sounds of the lake lapping against the dock, and my squadmates laughing and talking around me.
For me, it's really just about being real about how my relationship with God manifests itself. Like my squadmate Christin said last night, He is so freakin jealous for us. For me. So, for some people, their relationship manifests in being dedicated to a certain thing at a certain time. I've realized that mine and Jesus's relationship is like a quiet forest stream. Sometimes, it rains and the stream rises and gets intense, but a lot of times it's just laid back, comforting. No explosions or fireworks needed.
So, don't expect to go on the Race and experience fireworks. Maybe you will, but maybe you won't. Don't feel like your relationship with God is less than because it isn't status quo. Rejoice in that fact. Claim it. I'm just starting to learn this, and let me tell you, it is so awesome and freeing.
It is for freedom that Christ set us free. Be free!
