You know how sometimes you feel so loved and romanced by God?
The last few days have been that way for me. It's literally been an emotional rollercoaster, and if you know me, you know that I am not usually one to hide my feelings. On the contrary, sometimes I tend to let everyone know how I am feeling a little too much. But hey, at least you always know where I am and where I stand with you, ha.
Sunday was a wonderful day. We stayed home from church and just rested. I know that sometimes produces a how-heathen-of-you gasp, but I am a big believer in resting. We were not designed to constantly be on the go (no matter what our American social upbringing tells us). And, although this has been a big season of rest for me, with only working 3 days a week, it is still important to me to be aware of my physical needs, and sometimes that happens to fall on a Sunday. So, while I miss the community of being at church, I am thankful for a God who created us not to be robots, but as beings who need times of rest to fully enjoy and experience life.
That night, we met up with one of our awesome squadmates, Liz. She was visiting her grandparents who were vacationing in Branson, so we met up for dinner in Springfield. We had a delicious dinner from Springfield Brewing Company, and then decided to walk to a downtown grocery store/bistro to get icecream. We got tiny little cups of Blue Bunny icecream that came with a tiny spoon (unfortunately it was not one of the cool wooden ones that came with the icecream cups from school lunches, but plastic ones. Still cool, nonetheless). After we finished our icecream, we walked back across downtown in the sprinkling rain (which we hadn't seen in 2ish weeks. We were kind of confused, haha).
The next day, I met up with Liz and her cousin Jeremy at Busiek, which is a state park in between Springfield and Branson which has hiking trails and camping areas. We hiked on what was supposed to be the shortest trail, ended up getting lost and circling around, and finally made our way back. Another squadmate who lives in the area, Christopher, met us there. He got there after we did, so the plan was to have him start the opposite direction on the trail, and we would meet up at some point. Sometime during our circling, he passed by us, so we didn't end up meeting up until we were all back at the parking lot. There is usually a river/creek that runs through the park, and the trails cross over it so you have to wade through. It is really refreshing on a hot day, but unfortunately since there has been no rain here, the river was bone dry. When we were crossing it at the end, a crow was crowing in the distance, and I couldn't help but laugh as we crossed the "desolation".
Josh met us there, and we all headed to the condo that Liz and her grandparents were staying in to swim at the pool. It was so refreshing after sweating buckets on the trail, but the water was super cold, so we didn't stay long. We then decided to go to the Landing, which is an outdoor mall on a cobblestoneish street. We walked around, went in a few of the shops, and watched the fountain/fire show. We also had a tasty dinner, then headed home. It was hard to say bye to Liz and Christopher, even though I will be seeing them in a week and a half. World Race squadmates, and just anyone involved in the World Race/Adventures in Missions, just have a special bond. We get each other.
Monday night/Tuesday morning, at 1:30 AM, I got a text from my sister's mother in law that said that my sister was going into labor. Rather than being excited like most normal people, I (embarrassingly) laid in bed and cried about it. You see, my sister and I are really close, and we always thought that we would have kids around the same time. I always thought that I would be right there by her side, holding her hand as she pushed. Because it was going to be Tuesday, I had to work a double shift the next day, and I wouldn't be able to drive to Kansas City to see them until at the earliest, Wednesday morning. I knew I would totally miss my nephew's birth, and it was hard to let that dream go. I got up the next morning with a huge attitude, and even considered calling in to work. I went anyway, knowing that was the right thing to do. All morning I was moping, and wishing I was in KC instead of at boring work.
I have been soooo excited for my nephew to get here. He is the first grandbaby on both sides, so our families have been very excited for his arrival. When they first found out they were going to have a baby, they started talking about names. They had a few picked out that they liked, but they changed their minds on the name, and decided to keep the new name a secret. I really wanted to know his name, because we are going to miss his first year. I felt like knowing his name would make him more like a person that I could love, instead of just "the baby". A few months ago, I got this overwhelming feeling that his name would be Henry. Jess or Tyler never said anything to indicate what his name was, other than that I would like it. I started thinking of him as Henry, even though I knew that I would have to change what I thought of him as when he was born.
At one point at work, my boss called me into his office, and told me that unfortunately he was going to have to deny my requested time off for training camp, because someone from the same department had also requested that week off, and when you only have 4 people, it just isn't doable to have more than one person gone. I couldn't believe it. I started crying, and I just kept saying, "I don't know what to do." In order for us to go on the Race in September, we HAVE to attend training camp. If we couldn't attend, we would, best case scenario, have to postpone until January. Which would have been the 3rd time, so it was kind of unthinkable. I couldn't believe that in one day, the past year of my life, and the next year of my life were suddenly all for nothing. I know that sounds dramatic, but this has been a big part of our lives, and to have it so radically altered in the matter of minutes was depressing to say the least.
I went to the breakroom, and called Josh in tears. After I got off the phone, I was sitting in the corner, crying, and one of my coworkers came over to ask if I was ok. I explained the situation, and she said, "Let's just pray about this right now." She prayed for me, and it was so humbling/lovely that she cared enough to take the time to do it. I'm definitely guilty of coming to a situation that needs prayer, and thinking, "I'll pray about that later", which I often forget about. Not to say that prayer later isn't necessary or isn't heard, but I think there is something so powerful about dropping everything in the moment to have a good convo with God.
I spent the next few hours seriously depressed, and walking around with red eyes. Many of my coworkers asked if I was ok, and offered advice to help with our situation. I am so thankful for friends and family who show concern and that they care about me, even when I am sometimes not the best at receiving it. Eventually I got up the nerve to talk to the coworker who had also asked for time off. I am extremely non-confrontational, and even in situations where there won't be confrontation, I often make it up in my head, and shy away from it. When I talked to her about it, she was very sympathetic, and said that she would talk to her husband to see if there was anything they could do. She, her husband, and some friends have been planning this trip for about a year, so she didn't want to say that she could switch it when there were others involved before consulting them. Of course, when I was talking to her, I couldn't help but cry. Apparently, I've been just a *tad * emotional lately. Today I got a call from her, and she said that she worked it out so that she will travel down to work a few days of the week, so I can have the week off! I was SO grateful and relieved. Barring any serious health issues or natural disasters, we WILL be making it to Training Camp.
During the time that I was walking around, depressed, one of the other ladies who works in the craft department answered a call for the department, and she came over and told me that I had a call. I was wondering who would be calling me directly. I answered the phone, and the caller said, "Yes, I'm needing to make a craft for my son." Now I was REALLY confused. I said, "Ok…" He continued, "You see, I live in Kansas City…" and he started laughing. That was when I realized that it was Tyler, my brother-in-law. He said, "Here's Jess." He handed the phone over to her, and she said, "He's here! Henry Patrick Tankersley." I couldn't believe it. I was excited that the feeling I had about his name was right. God knew that knowing his name was important to me, so He chose to give it to me, even though He didn't have to. It was just one of those "extras" that makes our God so wonderful. It really felt like one of those moments that I had tangible evidence of God's romance of me, even though many times I act like the girl that has no idea, or even doesn't respond to the pursuit. It instantly gave me hope, excitement, and joy for the day. It was officially the longest day of work EVER, because I was so ready to get home, so I could go to sleep, so it would be time to head to Kansas City to see little Henry.
I had a nice 3 hour drive, jamming out to music, and just reveling in joy and excitement. When I got to Jess and Tyler's house, I met up with my Dad, brother, younger sister, Tyler, Tyler's sister Whitney, and his Mom and Dad. We headed to the hospital where Jess, our Mom, and Henry were, and I finally got to see and hold little Henry. It has been so great to see my family (and I include Tyler's family as my family. They have always been so loving and welcoming. Shout out to the Tanks! 🙂 and to see Jess and Tyler step so seamlessly into their roles as parents, not to mention my Mom and Dad, as well as Tyler's parents step into their roles as Grandparents. This little boy is going to/already is being showered in so much love.
As we celebrate America today, I like to take it a step further and celebrate the wonderful things that God has blessed us with. Not because we deserve any of it, far from it, but because He delights in making us happy. Just like parents of newborns are so enraptured with their little creations, and would do anything for them, it is only a smidgen of how God feels for us. I mean, He already proved how He feels about us with that little thing called sacrifice and redemption.
To Sum Up:
A) I love my L Squad family
B) We will make it to Training Camp
C) Totally in love with Baby Henry
D) God loves to make us (me! and you!) happy. And He's awesome.
Now I'm going to go watch some fireworks and be joyful.
Peace.
